Tears of the Wolf
by RaNdOm Hp FaN
Summary: "There isn't a witch or wizard who went bad who wasn't in Slytherin..." What if Remus Lupin had more to lose with Voldemort's resurrection than anyone knew?
1. Disclaimer

Duh… Forgot a few things when I uploaded the first chapter.  See this poor college student in a 4 bedroom apartment, studying hard?  She makes no money off of this.  The nice British bird rolling in piles of money to take a break from working on Book 6 (I hope)?  All hers, except when they romp in my head.  Suing me will get you nothing but a couple of glares worthy of Severus Snape (who I don't own) and my textbooks… good for doorstopping if you want them.  Oh, and the food in my fridge if you're really desparate… :P

I wrote this primarily because I love Remus Lupin… and although you only see him in Book 3, he deserves his own story, don't you think?  A very Lupin-centric fic starting a few months before MWPP -1st year, taking us to late 1981, then skipping to Harry's 5th year.  

Summary:  We don't know much about Remus Lupin from the words of Book 3, but what if his past was less rosy than we imagined?  Abandoned on the streets of Wizarding London at age 5, left for dead, he survived… but at what cost?  And how?

Rated R for some bad language, pretty bad injuries and just because I felt like it.  


	2. St Jerome's

             Remus lay on his stomach on the uncomfortable bed that had been his home for the past 5 years.  The mattress was lumpy and old enough that his great-grandfather could have owned it, not that Remus had ever met the man in person.  He had seen the man in family portraits; generations of Allensons adorned the halls of the manor that Remus had been born in.

            The bedroom that had belonged to Remus was a palace compared to the orphanage that he lived in now.  He was lucky though; at least he had his own room, unlike the other 60 or so children in St. Jerome's home for Wizarding Orphans.  It stood on the corner of Knockturn Alley, and the road that led to Diagon Alley.  But Remus Allenson was so very unlike the other children.  On a sunny day like today, all of the other children seemed to be outside, playing in their carefully guarded cliques… and Remus Janus Allenson was reading twentieth-century post-World-War-II literature, a favorite from his Muggle classes.  

            The readings tended to depress so many, but the poets and writers were right.  Looking around the room, he sighed at the sight of the many empty walls and thought 'sometimes the abyss is all you have left.'  Silently, he pushed shoulder-length shaggy brown hair over his right ear and flipped the page, careful not to tear the yellowing parchment.

            A knock came on the doorway.

            "What?" Remus asked, sighing.

            "I… just wanted to see who was in here."

            Remus propped himself up on his elbow and surveyed the newcomer.  "You new here?" he asked with an accented cockney.

            "No.  I'm…" the black-haired child replied from the doorway.

            "You're here with your mum and dad, come to look for a new brother, eh?" Remus asked unfeelingly.

            "Yeah.  How'd you know?"

            "Only newcomers or visitors ever bother to knock.  Anyways, lucky you.  I've got over 60 brothers here.  Take them, please," he responded dryly.  "Like him for example.  What's the matter… run out of 5 year olds to pick on?"

            The visitor turned to see a tall, nearly 15-year-old boy in the doorway.  "Hey kid, you really shouldn't talk to him.  He's not worth your time."

            Remus' hazel eyes flashed at the other orphan.  "Oh, sod off, McKinnon.  As if you're any more worth his time than I am, you piece of dragon crap."

            "You're nothing but trouble, Remus.  What do you think they gave him his own room?  Because he's a good, sweet boy?  No.  It's because he's a lifer and he knows it."

            "Lifer?" asked the visiting boy quietly.

            "No less than you, McKinnon, but at least I know enough to admit it.  Now leave, or I'll find you in about say, 2 weeks, and we'll see who'll get whom," Remus growled.

            "You filthy animal.  See you at dinner, Remus."

            Remus was hard-pressed to keep his anger in check as McKinnon left.  "Buggering bastard."

            "Lifer?" the dark-haired 10-year-old echoed.  "What's that mean?"

            "Everyone who lives here hates this place… because it represents basically the same thing.  It means you're not wanted enough by anyone to be anywhere else.  If you don't die, run away or get adopted, you're a lifer.  It means you're here until you're 18, or 17, if you get to go to school.  Hogwarts, that is.  Some of the kids here go; some get adopted before then.  A lifer is here for the only time they can ever be a child, and they're alone for the rest of their lives.  Like McKinnon.  He's from a rich, proud magical family, but he was disowned.  For being a Squib."

            "I thought I recognized the name.  What about you?"

            Remus laughed.  "Not a Squib, not even close.  I'm a lifer though… no doubt about that."  He shut the book and pushed himself off the bed.  "He's absolutely right though.  You really shouldn't be wasting your time with me.  Not when I have no hope of being adopted.  Your folks are probably looking for someone younger, cuter and more… manageable."

            The darker child giggled.  "I'm no angel myself.  My name's Sirius.  Yours was Remus, right?"

            "Right."  Remus said, turning from the desk, holding a new tome… of magical history.  He pushed back the hair from the left side of his face, and revealing the line of painful bruises that went from eye to jaw.  "And I doubt they'd want to try and manage me."

            "Sweet Merlin!  Where'd you get that shiner?"

            Remus smirked.  "Where else?  McKinnon and his crew," he said, laying back down on his bed.  "Well… if you're not going to leave, at least have a seat in the chair.  You're making me nervous."

            "What?"  
            "You're looming.  He looms too.  Him and the Wraiths don't like me.  Not that the Angels are much better.  I'm always getting into fights with one or the other of the two groups.  Mostly in self defense, sometimes in defense of one of the outcasts who hasn't committed to a group yet.  If you ever go looking for Hell on earth, Sirius, this is where you'll find mine."  He opened the book and flipped to the section on Merlin and Queen Mab.  

            "Wraiths?  Angels?  What are you talking about?"

            "Wraiths are kids whose families sided with Grindewald, or that new guy everyone's been talking about.  Mostly purebloods, but the outcasts… Squibs and those of little power.  Angels are those who sided with Dumbledore… and are mostly true orphans.  Wraiths wear black, the angels wear lighter colors."

            "And you?"

            Remus looked down at his green t-shirt and lifted an eyebrow.  "I'm in the group of Remus."

            "No… who were your parents?" Sirius asked, chuckling.  
            "They sided with Dumbledore… though that doesn't make them decent human beings.  They abandoned me… they didn't need me.  Not when they had my perfect brother."  He turned a page roughly, eyes slightly tinged with amber.  "Nobody needs me, nobody wants me and I don't need anyone else.  I don't want to be adopted."

            "But if it gets you out…"

            "Sirius… what is worse?  To be alone, or to be hurt?" Remus asked quietly, as two new and one familiar scent appeared at the doorway.  "Hello, Miss Price."

            "You behaving yourself, Remus?" she asked sternly.

            "Just reading, Miss Price."

            "Not bothering this guest?"  
            "If anything, ma'am, I'm annoying him," Sirius said, quietly.

            "Miss Price, if I may suggest something?"

            "What Remus?"

            "Show them John.  Nursery 3.  He'd be a good fit," he bowed his head submissively, returning to his reading.  

            "An excellent idea, Remus.  Right this way, Mr. and Mrs. Black."

            Sirius hung back.  "Why him?"

            "Young enough not to have been changed by the hate that fills everyone in this place, and innocent enough for you to have a little brother that you can mold in your own image.  Good luck Sirius."

            "Sirius, come along!" his mother called.

            "Coming mum.  You going to Hogwarts next fall too?"

            Remus laughed once, quietly, and then forced a smile.  "I doubt it.  Bye."

Remus lay on his side on the cold stone floor of the cell where the Ministry had him transform every month.  It felt good against his feverish cheek and temple.  Completely amber eyes sat in place of his normal hazel, a result of the moon's influence.  But what most people would have noticed were the claw marks and bite marks that riddled the 10-year-old's body.  

            His vision was doubled and fuzzy and he lay limply with his back towards the door.  Every sound was muffled as though underwater.  The only thing that Remus was more than vaguely aware of was the pain; the breathtaking, excruciating, gutwrenching pain.  His shoulders and one hip had failed to make it back into the appropriate socket.  Just three more reminders that once again, the supposedly impossible had occurred.

            "Remus?"  

            The voice was warm, gentle and familiar.  But Remus couldn't respond.  Too much effort was involved.

            A sharp intake of breath came from one of the men who accompanied the doctor.  They smelled different, new.  But the doctor…

            "Remus, can you hear me?" asked the doctor, now a large blur in front of his eyes.

            "Yes, Doctor Galen," he breathed, words slurring slightly.

            "Good… good…"

            A bright light shined in his eyes and he felt the doctor cast the spells to check for head injuries.  "You have a concussion, three dislocated joints and a fever.  Can you stomach a pain potion?"

            "N-no."

            "Okay.  Numbing spell?" he asked, picking up his wand again.  "I need to debride these wounds before I try to heal them, and I'd like to have you more or less in one piece before we take you back."

            Just nodding sent waves of pain over Remus, before ceasing with a numbing spell.

            "Gods, how can he stand it?"

            "Gentlemen, _he_ is fully awake, and has a more acute sense of hearing than the majority of people you know.  Therefore, you will keep your comments to yourself, or I will see that it is more than just Remus who hears them.  Is that understood?" he said, acidly.  He rolled Remus over gently, and got ready to pop the bones back.  "Sorry about them, Remus.  They're new."

            A soft snort issued from the werewolf.

            "I know.  No excuse," he said, smiling as he moved on to the wounds.  "Looks like you got yourself pretty good this time."

            Remus barely felt the cool hydrogen peroxide as it cleaned his cuts.

            "Don't worry, kiddo, we'll have you home in no time."

            Yeah.  Right.  Home.

            Albus Dumbledore walked in the front door of St. Jerome's on the day of June 25th.  Smiling, he located the head of the Orphanage, Miss Emilie Price, and after a short discussion, he made his way to the cafeteria.

            His twinkling blue eyes scanned the room, finding many boys from age 5 to 18, then finally the 10 year old he was looking for in a dark corner.  "Remus?"

            The boy looked up from the bowl of rice he was eating from, hazel eyes staring blankly at the man in front of him, whose Chocolate Frog card he owned.  "Yes, Mr. Dumbledore?"

            "It is indeed good to not have to make introductions, although I would prefer to be called Professor.  Do you mind if I sit?" the venerable wizard asked.

            Remus ran his fingers through his hair, wincing.  "So the Ministry sent you to dispose of me?"

            "Of course not," Dumbledore said firmly.  "May I sit, Remus?"

            Remus shrugged.  "It's a free society… at least, that's what they keep telling us in school.  But then, they tell us a lot of things.  About the brotherhood of wizards, and the goodness of people.  They lie."

            "Remus…"

            "Why are you here?  Come to tell me that because I was bitten, I can't go to your school?"  Remus asked as he picked up his spoon and attacked his rice again.   "You could have saved yourself the trip.  I've known for years that I was a lifer.  I'm not leaving here until my 18th birthday, when they send me out into the world with three galleons to my name, and hope that I never come back."

            "Remus… I am here for quite the opposite reason.  You possess exceptional magical ability.  I can sense it from here.  And there is no reason that with certain… precautions that you should not attend Hogwarts this fall," Dumbledore replied.

            "You're joking, right?"

            "Remus, I am serious.  No one would know of your condition, with the exception of the staff and yourself.  You would be taken to a secure location every month and you would attend school as any other student," Dumbledore said, lifting his hand to silence the boy.  "That is, if you would care to join us at Hogwarts."

            "Let's just see if you realize what you're saying.  The Ministry knows exactly who… _what_ I am.  Even if you could get it past the Ministry, the board of governors would know, just like every person who attends your school, but knows me here.  Even if you could put it past every single one of them, people would notice.  And even if, by some miracle like your defeat of Grindewald, you managed to keep me from public sight, I am an orphan… I have no money, Professor," Remus said, whispering.

            "And if I told you that I have already made the appropriate arrangements?  Remus, all I need to hear is a verbal confirmation of your acceptance in this matter."

            "Why?"  Remus was confused.  No one had ever cared this much about him before.  Why now?

            "Because every child deserves to be trained in the magical arts, and you are both exceptionally bright and exceptionally gifted.  I have no desire to see you live the rest of your life as a Muggle when you most certainly are not," Dumbledore said, withdrawing a letter.  "I have arranged for a family to take you shopping the last week of August.  They shall come here to pick you up, and you shall stay with them until the train to school."  

            Remus just stared at the letter in his hand as the other wizard left.  

            "Oh, and Remus…"

            He looked up, his hazel eyes blank with confusion and sadness.  

            "Happy Birthday."


	3. Hogwarts Express and the Sorting

****  So… I don't have a Beta, looking for one or two… mostly for grammar and helping plot holes… because I retain the right to control my stories.  You can suggest it, if I hate it, I won't use it.  Got it?  I do want someone who can promise me 2-3 day turn around… thinking of posting twice a week, depending on schoolwork.  If you're expecting me to post the day I have three final exams, you're crazier than I am.****

            James Potter smiled at the sight of the Hogwarts Express as he entered platform 9¾ on the morning of September 1st.  He hugged his parents goodbye after his trunk was placed on the train, and went in search of his childhood friend, Sirius Black.

            A small brown-haired boy sat in one of the few mostly-empty compartments, and by this time, James was getting ready to give up.  "Excuse me?"

            The smaller boy looked up, a fading shiner still visible on his face.  His clothes were somewhat big on him.  His green t-shirt hung over well-muscled but thin arms, and his jeans had to be turned up at the cuffs so that they wouldn't hang over his shoes.  He had been bent over a book, reading intently.

            "Hey, you didn't happen to see a boy with dark hair, and blue eyes come by?" James asked of him.

            "No."

            James sat down.  "Well, I've checked in every compartment, do you mind if I wait here for him?"

            "No."

            James looked at him curiously.  "You don't say much, do you?"

            "No."

            "Is that all you can say?"  
            Remus half smiled.  "No."  He went back to his book as James sighed heavily.

            James wiped the edge of his glasses on his shirt and pulled out his chocolate frog card collection, looking through it.  

            "Jamie!" came a shout from the door.

            Remus jumped, hands flying to his ears.  "Sweet Merlin," he hissed.  

            James jumped as well, launching himself at the boy in the doorway.  "Siri!  What took you so long?  I've been waiting!"

            "Sorry.  Mum threw a fit when I tried to pack some dungbombs.  We'll have to make them ourselves," Sirius said, setting a bag down on the seat next to Remus.  

            "That's okay.  I managed to get a few things past my mum and dad," James replied, scratching his head.  

            Sirius sat down, a smile on his face, then turned to see the boy across from him.  "Holy cricket.  Remus?"

            "Sirius.  How's John working out for you?" Remus asked idly.

            "Well, mum and dad named him Rigel.  You were right… he's pretty cute," Sirius said.  He frowned.  "I thought you said you weren't coming."

            Remus shrugged.  "Same here.  But when Dumbledore came to the orphanage to invite me personally, I figured I should give it a shot.  Besides, it gets me out of that hellhole for about 9 months out of the year," he said quietly.  

            "The Squibs again?" Sirius asked, gesturing at Remus' face.

            "The Angels."

            "You're joking."

            "No."

            "I could fix it," he said, drawing his wand.

            "No." Remus said firmly.

            James smiled.  "You don't say much, do you?"

            "No."

            "Siri, how do you two know each other?"

            Sirius smiled.  "Well, you know about Rigel, and how mum and dad and I went to a wizarding orphanage to get him?"  James nodded.  "Well, while I was there, I met Remus, and we got to talking and I figured out he's a pretty cool guy."

            "No, I'm not."

            "The only orphan in the place who didn't want to be adopted."

            Remus glared and went back to his book.

            "Why not?"

            "Just drop it please," Remus whispered.

            James and Sirius just looked at Remus for a bit, then leaned back to get comfortable as the other students began arriving. 

            "Look inside, Gus.  If it's empty, we've finally found a place to sit," a familiar voice said.  It was exactly like Remus', but with an arrogant drawl.

            Remus stiffened, closing his book.  His heart started pounding and he narrowed his hazel eyes at the door.

            Another boy poked his head inside, followed quickly by another.  "Well, hell, this is the second group of three we've found.  Maybe we should try farther back," the first boy said.  "Hello all."

            "Hi.  James Potter."

            "Sirius Black," he said, sorting through his Every Flavor Beans.

            "Gus Fletcher," the first boy said.

            Remus stayed silent, glaring at the second.

            "Well, well, well.  If it isn't Remus," said the second in a near singsong voice.

            James and Sirius looked at Remus, who was now standing, fists clenched and hazel eyes blazing.  "Romulus," he growled.

            Gus looked between the two carefully.  "Wait.  You two know each other?"

            Romulus smiled.  "Of course.  How could Romulus ever forget Remus?" he asked quietly.  "I didn't think you would be here.  But then again, Mother and Father never expected you to survive on the streets.  They thought it would be more humane to let you die."  He stood the same height as Remus, but with shorter hair, slicked back in an aristocratic style.  His muggle clothes were much dressier, and he stood with a more confident posture.  He moved his hand as if to shake Remus'.  

            Remus nearly shook in rage.  "Get out Romulus."  He drew back quickly as he noticed that Romulus had silver rings on his right hand.

            "Or what?" Romulus countered.  "You'll fight me?  I was always the better son.  More civilized, more loving, more loved…"

            "More conceited, more arrogant, more self-serving," Remus finished, preparing for an uppercut.  "You tell them they were wrong.  You tell those guardians of yours that they couldn't kill me then, and that I never want to meet them or you in a dark alley, unless one of you has a death wish."

            "Remus, hold on mate.  You don't want to get in a fight right now," James said, stepping in to restrain his new friend.

            "I'd win and you know it, Romulus," Remus hissed.

            "Stay away from me," Romulus spat.  "Let's go, Gus."

            The two boys left the compartment and Remus turned away in disgust.

            "What was that, Remus?" Sirius asked as the train began to move.  

            "_That_ was my twin brother Romulus… the most arrogant, self-centered brown noser that I have ever met," he said, looking out the window.  "My parents kept him and I ended up in the orphanage where Sirius met me.  The official reason is that they did not want to split the inheritance between two brothers.  They didn't want to see a family torn apart by warring brothers."

            "That's not a good reason," James said, compassionately.

            Remus picked up his books and threw them in the bag.  "This was a big mistake."

            "Remus, wait.  Where are you going?" Sirius asked, standing in the doorway, to block the exit.

            "Home."

            "No," James said.  "You're staying, and you really should tell us what all of that really was about."

            "You told me once that you hate the orphanage and everyone there.  Why would you throw away a chance to go here for that kid?  It's probably exactly what he wants," Sirius said, gently placing a hand on Remus' thin shoulder.

            "You wouldn't understand, Sirius," Remus whispered.

            "Tell me," he countered quickly.

            Remus' bowed his head.  "When I was four, I… got sick.  Bad.  It was my own fault.  I got lost in the woods near our house.  By the time my parents found me, it was too late.  I'm not contagious, except for about once a month, when I get really ill, usually on the order of a visit to the doctor.  My parents were unprepared for that…" he replied.  "And they didn't want the responsibility.  So they took me to London, sent me on an errand, and then disappeared.  I didn't know where I was…  A 5 year old lost in London.  Finally, about a year later, I was found by some Aurors down in Knockturn Alley, and turned over to St. Jerome's.  My _family_ kept Romulus, ensuring that they would have an heir."

            "And you hate him because if he hadn't been there, you think they might have kept you?" James asked, in understanding.

            "No, that's only part of it.  Who's idea do you think it was to go into the forest that afternoon?"

            "Romulus," Sirius spat.  

            "Yeah.  Look, if I promise to give it a shot, will you guys please change the subject?" Remus asked, lowering his bag to the floor.

            "Sure."  James smiled.

            A knock came at the doorway.  "Excuse me," a girl with flaming red hair said from outside.

            "Yes?" Sirius asked, as Remus retreated to his corner.

            "Someone asked if I could come in here so they could sit together.  I agreed.  My name's Liliacea Evans, but my friends call me Lily."

            James stood up and shook her hand in greeting.  "James Potter.  Sirius calls me Jamie."

            "Sirius Black, but my friends call me Siri," Sirius replied, bowing comedically.

            They all turned to Remus, who was silent in the corner, looking out the window as if he hadn't heard the conversation.

            "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name," Lily said to him.

            "That's because I didn't say it.  Remus Lupin.  And I never had friends."

            She looked at him, emerald eyes nearly tearing up.  "That's terrible," she said, as she flung herself at him and wrapped him in a hug.

            James and Sirius looked at each other and smiled, then watched the shocked Remus awkwardly pat Lily on the back.  "Such a girl magnet, Remmy," Sirius said.

            Lily pulled away.  "Remmy.  I like it."

            The first year entered the Great Hall, some gasping in awe.  Lily was among those who were fascinated, while Romulus was among those rather blasé about the entire thing.  Remus was concerned in the meantime with finding the moon among the floating candles, and attempting to calculate the time until his next transformation.  

            "Gather around please.  When I call your name, you will come forward and I will place the Sorting Hat on your head," a tall brunette witch said, from her place in front of the Staff Table.  "Romulus Allenson."

            Remus' face went dark and Sirius touched his arm as Romulus took his place on the stool.  The hat was flopped on his head, and after a few moments, it said, "Ravenclaw!"

            One of the tables against the walls erupted into cheers as the first boy was sorted into their house.  A few others came and went, to various Houses and then it was Sirius' turn.

            "Sirius Black."

            Sirius smiled, and walked up to the stool.  **Well, well.  Sirius Black.  Antares and Lyra's only blood relative.  Both Gryffindors, they were.  Let's see where to put you.  You're a loyal friend, which suits you for Hufflepuff.  Lots of courage… you would make a fine Gryffindor.  Smart, but not motivated towards schoolwork.  No, your intelligence lies in practicality and survival tactics.  Not Ravenclaw material.  You would do anything for a friend, wouldn't you?  Regardless of the consequences.  When your new friend felt threatened, you were ready to use your fists to defend him, weren't you?  **

            Your moral strength and your cunning are perhaps the most prevalent things about you, Sirius Black.  You would do well in Gryffindor… but you would do far better in SLYTHERIN.

            James locked eyes with Sirius as the hat spoke its decision.  James was taken aback, but didn't say anything, while Sirius whispered a barely audible, "Oh, man."  He walked to the Slytherin table and sat down heavily.

            Lily was sorted into Gryffindor, as were Arabella Figg and Gus Fletcher, before they came to… 

            "Remus Lupin."

            Remus walked forward tentatively, ignoring the look from Romulus.

            **A werewolf.  Never have I met one of your kind in my time as Sorting Hat.  You might just be the first to attend this school after having been bitten, not before.  Not surprising, as not many headmasters would have taken on the responsibility of educating you.  May I recommend that you not disappoint him?  He has a great deal of faith in you, as do I.  Your temper is something that you must control.  It could very well cast you into darkness without your knowledge.  **

**            You are filled with exceptional courage, as evidenced by the way you lead your life prior to this school term.  Even when faced with overwhelming opposition, you always held to the course you thought was right.  **

**            You are intelligent, but it is an intelligence geared for one thing… survival.  Remember, young Allenson, that just because you have survived does not mean that you have lived.  Learn to live, child.  **

**            Your are filled with ambition, a desire to leave your old life behind.  It is a hard road, but your cunning, courage and ambition will take you far.  Welcome to SLYTHERIN.**

Remus stepped down from the stool and headed to the Slytherin table, sitting down next to Sirius, his back to the wall.  

            "You can bet that Jamie is going to be pissed off at me when he recovers from the shock," Sirius muttered.

            Remus sighed.  "You think your parents are going to be pleased about this?" he asked gently, as the next boy got Sorted.

            "Oh no.  My parents were…"

            "Both Gryffindors, right?" Remus asked.

            "Yeah."

            "Breathe, Siri," Remus said, squeezing his shoulder.

            James' turn came up soon, and to no one's surprise, he was sent to Gryffindor.  Sirius hit his forehead on the table repeatedly.

            "That could cause brain damage," one boy said dryly.  "You might want to stop doing that."

            Sirius looked up.  "Brain damage works."

            The new boy smiled.  "Charming.  My name is Severus Snape."

            "Remus Lupin and Sirius Black," Remus said, gesturing to himself and then Sirius.

            "Not pleased about being in Slytherin, Sirius?"

            Sirius played with his fork.  "Parents are Aurors."

            "Nice, but don't say that in the Common Room.  What about you?" Snape asked, turning to Remus.

            "I don't have any," Remus replied tonelessly, watching as the final students were Sorted.  

            Severus Snape didn't know what to say, instead, he turned to watch Dumbledore give his speech.

            Remus slept peacefully in the quiet of the Slytherin dorms.  It was somewhat less privacy than he was used to at the orphanage, but at least he could use magic to get more.  He had been lucky, and had managed to get the bed farthest from the door, closest to a solid wall, like he liked it.  So, Remus slept with his back to the wall.  

            That is, until a hand grabbed his right elbow and shook him from his deep sleep.

            "What?" he murmured groggily.  "Whosit?"

            "It's Sirius."

            Remus looked at his watch.  "It's three thirty in the morning.  It had better be serious.  What do you want?" he asked, pushing himself up off the soft mattress.

            "I couldn't sleep," he replied, black hair in complete disarray around his face.  "I sent my mum and dad a letter telling them where I got Sorted… what if they disown me?"

            Remus sighed.  Of course Sirius would wake him up.  Who else but the abandoned would he ask about being abandoned?  "You haven't slept all night?" Remus whispered incredulously.  "You're going to be so tired by lunch."

            "What if Jamie doesn't want to be my friend anymore?  What if…"

            Apparently, changing topics wasn't going to work.  "Sirius, three things, before I beat you into unconsciousness.  One, your parents are honorable and kind people, right?"

            Sirius nodded.

            "Then trust me, they will love you regardless of the house you are in.  Sure, they may have expected a different outcome, but they will love you all the same.  Second, we are both in Slytherin, and no house is any worse than the other… just different.  We got Sorted here because we belonged here.  We're cunning, and we do whatever it takes, right?"

            Sirius nodded again.

            "Then relax.  Things happen for a reason.  Third, and this is the last time I say this.  Worrying doesn't fix a damned thing.  What will happen will happen, and you can't change what people are going to think or do.  Siri, I promise you, whatever happens, I will never turn my back on you simply because you're a Slytherin.  Now quit worrying.  It's 3 bloody thirty in the bloody morning, you git!"  Remus lay back down on the bed and buried his face in his pillow.

            Sirius sighed, and went back to his own bed, but he couldn't sleep.

****

Long chapter, but it was the best stopping place.

And now for something completely different…the thanks!

Lady Kara- My first reviewer ever!!! Thank you.  I really feel that there is more to him than most writers show, and I don't think that he would have escaped his childhood emotionally un-scarred.  I mean, how could you lead a normal life with a wolf in your head.  But I refuse to make any character one-dimensional.  You will later see his hesitation, anger, doubt, temptation… fear.  And somehow, Harry, Sirius and Dumbledore will be coming along for the ride, as will (his new friend) teenage!Snape!

Katy999- good.  This is one of the currently unfinished fics, as I can't decide how I want it to end.  May have to do an alternate ending and let people choose which one they want to believe.  Sorta depends on your worldview though, which one you will choose.  

Authors Note: I am thinking of starting a yahoo e-group for people who want updates for my fanfics.  Let me know of your interest, and if you have any good ideas for names.  I would appreciate them and will post my decision on my profile or the next chapters of my fics.

Getting ready to post my first AU fic, Heron.  Takes place PoA, and I fully expect some flames for mild child abuse, but it's a fairly untouched plot aside from that.  (I mean, I had to explain it to my friend 2x before she got it, but then again, I was being purposefully cryptic.)  See profile for summary.

The next chapter will have Remus' first confrontation with a young wizard from Book 2, and more of the life he has suffered.  It may take a bit longer, as it's not on my computer yet, just in my notebook.

Please review!


	4. Acceptance and True Friends

Sirius Black was already dressed for class when Remus woke up the next morning.  He sat on his bed, watching his new friend sleep, feeling so very alone in the quiet dormitory.  

            Remus rolled over and fell out of the bed, onto his face.  He lay on the cold stone floor, tangled in the green bedsheets and rubbed his eyes.  "Oh, Merlin," he muttered.  Remus looked up at his friend, sitting on the bed next to his.  "You did get back to sleep, didn't you?"

            "No," Sirius replied quietly.  "Did you have a problem with the bed?"

            "Too soft.  I didn't want to get up this morning," Remus said, smiling.  He pushed himself off the floor, and tossed the sheet back onto his bed.  He stood, walked to his trunk and found his toothbrush, paste and comb.  

            For lack of a better thing to do, Sirius followed him into the bathroom and sat on one of the sinks.  

            Remus turned on the running water and splashed it on his face, before dabbing at his left eye and wincing in pain.  

            "You know, the nurse could probably take care of that for you, or at the very least give you a pain potion…" Sirius said, after a moment or two.

            Remus laughed as he stuck the toothbrush into his mouth and started brushing.  "You don't think it makes me look dangerous?"

            Sirius burst into a goofy grin.  "The shiner or the toothbrush?  Because that toothbrush is giving me the willies," he replied.

            "You're incorrigible," Remus shot back before spitting in the sink.

            "What does that mean?"

            Remus stopped, drawing the comb through his hair.  "I… I don't know.  I read it in a book somewhere.  But I think it's an insult."  His ginger-brown locks fell in his eyes and he pushed them back.  

            "I don't feel insulted.  You said it too nicely."

            "Fine.  You're incorrigible, Siri," Remus said in mock-disgust.

            "Much better, Remmy."

            "Mr. Lupin, may I have a word with you?" came a warm voice from behind the 1st year Slytherins that morning.

            Remus froze in his tracks.  "Yes, Headmaster."

            Sirius shot him another friendly glance, and went into the Great Hall.  

            Remus turned to look at Dumbledore as his friends left.  The older man was smiling as he put his hand on Remus' shoulder.  

            "Well Remus, how are you feeling this morning?"

            "I am well, Headmaster.  What were you going to ask me about?" Remus asked.

            The aged wizard sighed.  "I wanted to apologize to you for not informing you of the fact that your brother would be attending school with you at this time.  I had not anticipated the tension and animosity this would cause," he said, apologetically.

            "It's fine, Headmaster," Remus responded, without meeting his gaze.

            "You are being kind.  I had heard otherwise," Albus commented knowingly.

            Remus visibly flinched.  "You knew about that, sir?"  
            "You will find that there is little about this school that I do not know, Remus."

            "I apologize, sir," Remus said.  "I'll try to keep my temper around him from now on."

            "Please do.  How is your friend Mr. Black adjusting to his House?"

            Remus sighed.  "He was up all night, worrying about whether or not his parents would disown him.  Finally woke me up at 3:30.  I thought I was going to have to Stun him, sir."

            "He is concerned?"

            "Frantic.  But I don't understand why.  He said both his parents were Gryffindors.  Mine… mine were Ravenclaws.  Overly analytical, them.  Gryffindors don't strike me as the type to desert their children at the drop of a hat.  And anyways, there's nothing wrong with Slytherin."

            Dumbledore nodded.  "You are right, of course.  Perhaps your friendship will reassure young Mr. Black during the coming months that true friendship and love can withstand these current trials," he replied.  "Mr. Lupin, my office is always open to my students.  This week, the password is Lemon Drops.  Please come speak with me if there's anything you require my assistance for.  You should get to breakfast, Remus."

            "Of course, sir."

            "Good day, Mr. Lupin."  The Headmaster left.  

            Remus turned and walked into the Great Hall.  He sought out Sirius and James, who were deep in conference in one of the dark corners.

            "Jamie, I'm just so scared about all this.  I didn't want to go into Slytherin, believe me!  It just… put me there.  I mean, what if Mum and Dad…" Sirius said, near tears.

            "Sirius, I thought we went over all of this earlier this morning, mate," Remus said, breaking in.  "Morning, James."

            "Remus."

            "I know, but I can't help thinking about this," he said.  "I mean…"

            "He's been like this all night, James.  Woke me up at three bloody thirty this morning," Remus whispered.  "Come on, Siri.  You need something to eat."  He gave his friend a gentle shove in the direction of the Slytherin Table.  "Sev, please take Sirius and get him some breakfast.  I'll be over in a bit."

            Snape nodded and led Sirius to the table by his left elbow.

            "He's worried you won't want to be his friend anymore.  He's worried about everyone deserting him," Remus added.

            "You're not?"

            "I promised that he wasn't going to lose me."

            "Why?" Remus asked, taller than the other boy.  "Everyone's already deserted me.  Why should I worry about something as trivial as a House?  Life's unimportant labels are only as important as you make them."

            James bit his lip.  "Remus, I…"

            "It's fine, James.  Just… don't hurt him.  I… I don't think he could handle it right now.  See you later, Jamie," Remus said, walking away.  He sat down at the Slytherin table and pulled a goblet of pumpkin juice towards him.

            "Lupin, Black.  What the hell are you two idiots doing?" one of the older Slytherins ask.

            "What's it look like I'm doing?  I'm drinking some juice and Sirius there is nearly face down in his porridge."  Remus' expression was a cross between a feral wolf and a poisonous snake, and the other Slytherins took notice."

            "With that Gryffindor," a prefect clarified silkily.

            "He happens to have a name," Remus hissed.  "And I don't recall having heard yours.  So maybe you can enlighten me, before I wipe that smug smile off of your face with my right cross."

            The boy with platinum blonde hair was taken aback.  "Lucius Malfoy."

            "I've seen you before.  On Knockturn Alley.  I lived there, you know.  In an orphanage."  He lowered his voice.  "I was considered Dark.  Violent.  Unworthy of the teachers time and effort, but the gangs, they never left me alone.  This black eye was earned from a Squib named David McKinnon, who beat me every week for having more magical ability in my little finger than he does in every bone in his body."

            The entire table quieted, and even the Hufflepuffs at the table beside them paid attention.

            "You don't scare me, Malfoy.  Your kind, with your preset rules and your aristocratic airs.  You think that social standing and a matter of purity of blood faze me?  I _hate_ your kind, for that it did to me," he continued quietly.  "I spent a year on the streets of London.  The slums, the dark alleyways, the rainy nights when you thought you were going to die of hypothermia, because your dear pureblood parents abandoned you?   That is fear, Malfoy.  At 5, I learned to fear because I thought I was alone.  At 6, I lost my fear forever when I knew it was true.  I stopped crying at age 7, when I realized that no one in the world cared.  I am stronger than you will ever be," he said, getting up and advancing on the smug 16 year old.  "And now, I have found some people who do care.  And you _will not take them away from me._  I will do what I want, when I want to, and with whom I choose.  You will leave Sirius alone, you will leave James alone, you will leave Severus alone, you will leave Lily alone, and you'll leave the rest of my year mates alone.  Their lives are their own choice.  They _will_ be allowed to make their own alliances, and pursue their own lives.  You will not interfere, or you will rue the day Remus Lupin ever came to Hogwarts.  Is that crystal clear?"

            The older boy swallowed, then forced a pompous smirk.  "Of course."

            Remus sat back down and avoided the rest of the table until breakfast was over.  Snape pushed a plate of toast to Remus, who nodded and smothered a piece in orange marmalade.  He caught the brief supportive smile on Severus' face, and returned it.

            Sirius did not hear from his parents until that Saturday, at breakfast.  Flocks of owls dropped post in front of the students, including one in the Slytherin's eggs.  Sirius just stared at it.  "Remmy."

            Remus swept back his hair and looked.  "Sirius, did you know there's an envelope in your breakfast?" he asked amused.

            "It's from Mum and Dad."

            Severus reached over and pulled it out.  "Did you want me to read it, Sirius?"

            In response, the worried first year just stared at where the letter had been.

            Remus nodded.  "Good suggestion, Sev.  It would probably help."

            Sev nodded in turn and opened the envelope, skimming the letter.  He cleared his throat, then read aloud.  "'My dearest Sirius, I must tell you that your father and I found your House assignment as a bit of a shock.  We had always assumed that you would be a Gryffindor with your friend Jamie.  Don't get us wrong, Sirius.  We had just hoped that you would be in our House.'  Does everyone hate us?"

            Remus rolled his eyes.  "Definitely not helping, Sev.  Nix the commentary."

            "'But it doesn't matter.  You are our son, and nothing in this world will ever separate you from our love.  It is unconditional, and we will always support you in every endeavour that life leads you to.'  Oh my gods.  This is too saccharine," Sev concluded, with a grimace on his face.

            Remus ripped the letter from Snape and finished reading the letter.  "It's indisputable, Sirius.  They love you, regardless of House.  What did I tell you?"  He handed it to Sirius, who read it slowly.  The werewolf looked away, unable to stand the joy on his best friend's face.

            "Remus, are you okay?" Sev asked from his spot to Remus' right.  

            The lycanthrope had been looking at his juice, then pushed himself up from his chair and walked out of the Great Hall.

            Footsteps pounded behind him as the Slytherin jogged to catch up.  "Remus… where are you going?" Snape asked.

            Remus' heart was pounding in his ears and he couldn't seem to get enough oxygen.  He slumped against the wall, sinking to the floor in a small huddle.  "I… I don't know."

            "Pull yourself together," Snape said, grabbing the collar of Remus' shirt.  "Do you really want Malfoy to see you like this?  How you lose the ability to function because you can't stand to see other people are loved more than you?"

            Remus shuddered, forcing away memories of the beatings, but did not shed a tear.

            "What's the matter?  Is poor Remus upset by something?  Is he lonely?" Romulus asked in a babying tone from a few meters away.  He was alone, and it looked as though he had slipped out of breakfast after them.

            Remus pushed Snape's hands away, got to his feet and drew his wand.  "Not as lonely as your parents will be when I'm done rearranging your internal organs," he hissed as Snape grabbed Remus' hand.

            "Not here, not now," he hissed in Remus' right ear.  "It's only the first week of school."

            "What have we here?" asked a cool voice from behind them.  "Allenson, 5 points from Ravenclaw for baiting another student."

            "Who are you?  This isn't your affair."

            "I am Lucius Malfoy.  6th Year Slytherin prefect.  And you have just lost another 2 points for your disrespect.  Now get out of my sight before you find Ravenclaw in negative numbers," he replied, sweeping closer.

            The Ravenclaw walked away.

            "Please tell me that you actually know the Gastricontortionus curse?" Malfoy asked as Snape removed his hand.  

            "Yeah.  I read about it in 1001 Disfiguring Hexes.  Never practiced it, though, cause it has the unfortunate side effect of death when cast," Remus replied, replacing his wand.

            "Don't worry.  Most spells are a matter of force, not necessarily of practice.  If you need it, I have the next in the series.  Do try to stay out of trouble.  Snape.  Lupin."

*

So… here we have Nice!Lucius.  Interesting how a little threat like that can take a 6th year down a notch.  Or three.  Lucius likes him, simply because he's ballsy.  That's not bravery… that's being pissed off, and taking a calculated risk… and it is my personal belief that Remus would have called Lucius on it.  Now, I'm not being mean to Remus, I'm just giving him a good backstory.  And does he have a backbone or what?  That's the wolfish nature coming out.  He is overprotective and when threatened, he means business.

Katy999- Okay.  Let me send you the first bit of Heron and let's see what you think.  Enjoy!

Piri Lupin-Snape-  Thanks.  The next bit will be along when I get more reviews.  But I'll admit, this entire fic is a labor of love, and it may just be the longest I have ever written.  Hope you enjoyed this bit.

Just in case anyone's interested, I do have a Yahoo group.  It's listed on my author page, and I hope to see you there.

Next chapter- Secrets revealed!


	5. A Time of Revelations

You wants a disclaimer?  I'll gives you a disclaimer.  I don't own these peoples.  I'se told you before!!! Fuggedaboud-it!

Chapter Four:  The Time of Revelations

12 year old Remus Lupin floated between consciousness and unconsciousness on his bed in a private section of the Hospital Wing.  Another painful transformation was out of the way, and yet it was little comfort to him at a time like this.  It was only later that he would realize the inevitable ending of his life, as this was one less month to live through.

            Waves of agony and nausea rolled over the second year in torrents and he fought to keep his eyelids open.  His hazel eyes were amber again, but fading quickly.  His normally athletic body assumed an unhealthy frailty.  His ears were sensitive, and he heard a whispered conversation from the main ward.

            "How is he, Poppy?"  

He knew that voice.  How did Remus know that voice?

"When the transformations occur twice in a month, as when the full moon is actually directly between the two nights; that is the hardest on him.  The poor dear is terribly feverish and not really awake.  He had quite a few dislocated joints, which I fixed, and the normal scratches and bruises.  No broken bones this time, thank Merlin.  He's in a growth spurt at the moment and they would probably have broken at the growth plate.  The fever is slightly above his normal for this time of the month, and I'll give him a Febris potion when he's more lucid.  I would give him something for the pain, but it would only push him into a more comatose state at this point, Albus," came the woman's response.

            "You were taking this water to him?"

            "To see if I could help the fever break the Muggle way."

            "I shall look to him.  You have Mr. Potter's Quidditch injuries to deal with now.  Return to the main ward, Poppy.  Remus is in good hands."

            Furniture scraped along the stone floor and a solid object was set on the bedside table.  Something was dipped in a liquid, and a cool cloth made contact with Remus' burning forehead.  It gently wiped the sweat off and made the head more bearable, which had the unfortunate consequence of bringing more nausea to the adolescent.  He pushed the hand away roughly and fumbled with the rubbish bin, into which he vomited the last remaining contents of his stomach.  Pressing his left wrist to his bile soaked lips, he laid back down on the pillows.

            "Remus, are you awake then?"

            "Head… Headmaster?" he asked, finally recognizing the voice.  He turned his head weakly and his eyes focused on the professor's face.

            "How do you feel?"

            Remus exhaled sharply.  "Like every joint in my body has been ripped apart and put back together, twice.  And I think I just lost what was dinner, 2 weeks ago."

            Albus smiled.  "Your sense of humor has not suffered adverse effects."  He placed the cloth once again on Remus' face and checked his fever.

            "Thank Merlin.  If I lost that, I'd lost everything," he managed weakly.  "It's almost the end of term, isn't it?"

            "The feast is tonight, if you are up to it, Remus.  Slytherin is the leader in point totals.  Your House has won both the Quidditch and House Cups," Dumbledore said soothingly.

            Remus laughed weakly.  "Gods, I can't even think about food now."  He did not move again.  "I just want to lie here until I die… and that feels rather soon that this point."

            "Mr. Malfoy has been asking after you.  You have made quite an impression on our Head Boy.  He asked me if you would be up to visitors this afternoon.  He is most insistent that one of Slytherin's Beaters should not be in the Hospital Wing during the presentation of the cup he helped win in both Quidditch and classes.  I believe your friend, Mr. Black, told him that you were suffering from a recurrence of a communicable disease and had to be quarantined for the past two nights."  He raised an eyebrow, but his eyes didn't lose their twinkle.

            Remus nodded.  "That's what I told him last year.  'A half truth is better than a full lie', right sir?  I had to tell them something, sir.  They're Slytherins… a bit too suspicious for their own good."

"That is a saying of Salazar Slytherin's is it not?  Good.  Perhaps after lunch, you could accept visitors.  It is 6 in the morning now, and you need both rest and medication.  I shall fetch the necessary potions, Remus."

            Remus lay back against the pillow and closed his eyes, dozing off yet again.  

            Dumbledore re-entered the room with a few potions.  Smiling, he brushed the slick strands from Remus' face.  "Rest, child."

            Remus was just waking up again when a knock came on the door of the smallest quarantine room.  He shifted and turned his gaze to the door.  "It should be open," he responded, yawning.

            "Hey, Remmy, it's us," Sirius said from the doorway, followed closely by Severus.

            "Who else?  Come on in," Remus replied, waving his hand over at a couple of chairs.

            Severus eyed the potions on his bedside table and nodded at them.  "You really should take those if they were left for you.  You look like death warmed over," he commented.

            "You look like you've been attacked by a rampaging hippogriff."

            "You look like…"

            Remus sighed.  "Enough guys!  I know I look terrible.  Siri, could you hand them to me?"

            "Honestly, you're pastier than usual.  Is it worse this time?" he asked, as he handed the first vial to Remus.

            The werewolf downed the first, a pain potion, then accepted the second, an energy booster.  "You should have seen me earlier.  I … I couldn't move, except to lose my lunch."  Remus sat up too quickly and felt his head spin.  He shook his head to clear it, then rubbed his eyes.  "I hate being sick…"

            "Even more than the oppressive bourgeoisie and upper class of the Wizarding World?" Snape asked earnestly.

"Sev, don't start.  I don't hate your family…"

            "You hate 'the bigoted, intolerant inbred imbeciles that dictate societal responses to outcasts'," Snape countered smiling.  "I know.  But it got your mind off your headache, didn't it?  Exam scores came out today.  Sirius and I copied down your marks in everything.  Do you want to know?"

            Sirius shook his head.  "Why should he want to know?  He's top of our class in everything, and for good reason.  He never takes a study break."

            "When I was little, I couldn't play when I was sick… so I read.  A lot.  I like to read."

            "It shows.  You got perfect scores in everything except DADA and Potions.  And in those two, you got more than 100% for the term," Sirius said.  "It's sickening."

            "It's almost inhuman."

            Remus looked away, his gaze darkening.  "Yeah.  Sorry I make you all look bad."

            Sev laughed.  "At least you take some of the shine off of Evans.  She's out in the ward with Potter and Pettigrew."

            Remus looked back at the two and frowned.  "What happened?  Usually, you can't pay those three to stay out of here."

            "James tried out for the Quidditch team yesterday, and while he was practicing last night, he sort of grounded himself," Sirius replied.  

            "Smart.  I'll go look in on him later.  He's a seeker, then?"

            "Yes.  But go see him when you're better.  You've got to get ready for the Leaving Feast.  I know you're not that hungry, but you really ought to come just the same," Severus said, pushing Remus gently back onto the bed.

            Sirius looked at Snape, and said, "Sev, you mind giving me a second with him before Pomfrey kicks us out?"

            Severus shot both of them a cautious look.  "Alright.  We'll be back at 4.  Pomfrey should let you out by then."

            Snape left and Sirius moved closer.  "Remus, there's been something that James and Petey and I have been meaning to talk to you about."

            Remus leaned back to knead a sore spot on his spine.  "Don't mince words, Sirius.  You know how I hate that."

            "You lied to me."

            Remus smiled.  "Glad to see my bluntness is rubbing off.  Tell me when I lied."

            "You told me that you got sick once a month."

            "That was the truth.  As you can see, I do."

            Sirius sighed.  "You never mentioned that it was the full moon when you got sick."

            Remus' marrow chilled.  "No.  I didn't."

            "How about the fact that you consciously avoid anything silver, or made with silver, you come back every month with new scars and you avoid everything to do with the word 'wolf'?  And don't pretend that what Sev just said didn't bother you.  He said not human."

            "Inhuman, Siri.  There's a completely different connotation."

            "And then there's the scar that you have on the left side of your ribs.  Took me forever to figure out what it was.  Remus, are you a werewolf?"

            Remus lay back down completely.  "Spot on, I'm afraid."  He rubbed his temples anxiously, then considered pulling the pillow over his head and smothering himself with it.  But then again, Sirius might just be willing to help.  "So… you gonna give me a hand packing, or is this goodbye?"

            "Remus…"

            "Siri, you know how much the Wizarding world hates werewolves.  The only people who would even consider dealing with us are Dark Wizards like Grindewald.  I never thought I could come here because the Headmasters of this school have been historically like-minded.  Dumbledore had to persuade me to come, and it is by secrecy and his protection alone that I attend Hogwarts.  If the Ministry ever figured it out, Dumbledore would face charges of child endangerment, and I would be arrested, maybe even exterminated."

            "You're not trying to leave again, are you?" Sirius asked, incredulously.  

            "It was only a matter of time, Sirius.  No one wants me, because when I was four and a half, I was bitten by a wolf at the height of the full moon.  My family was the first to abandon me… but they won't be the last."

            "Remus, you're twelve.  Where would you go?"

            "Away.  I can't repay Dumbledore's kindness with betrayal.  If I leave now…"

            "If you leave now, I'll lose my best friend in my own House.  And I don't want that.  We… we just wanted to let you know that we knew, and that we can understand why you want to leave completely, but we won't abandon you, and we'll keep your secret," Sirius said.  "Besides, if you leave, the Ministry will find out, and Dumbledore will face the same consequences as you just said."

            Remus just stared at him.

            "Hey, you promised not to abandon me.  I make the same promise," Sirius countered.  "I swear on my honor as a wizard and on my own heart that I will _never_ forsake you, no matter what life has in store.  You understand me?"

            Remus wanted to tell his friend that his parents had promised to love him forever.  "Does Sev know?"

            "I don't think so.  We… we can tell him if you want, but we haven't told anyone.  Not even Dumbledore knows."

            "Dumbledore knows everything, Siri."  He smiled wanly.  "He told me that once, and I am inclined to believe him."

            "So he knows.  So what?  Stop being so noble and for once do something for yourself.  You are coming back, if I have to drag you out of that orphanage myself, come August.  I swear it."

            Remus was buttoning up the white shirt of his uniform, getting ready for the Feast.  He was still a bit pale, and clammy, but he had made a promise, and a promise from Remus Janus Lupin was not easily broken.  There was a knock on the door as he moved to close his left cuff.  "Come in."

            The Headmaster opened the door and smiled.  "I had come to ask you to get ready for the Feast, but I believe you have beaten me to the punch, so to speak."

            Remus nodded, running his fingers through his light brown hair.  "I told Sirius I would come.  I mean, even if I have to go back to the orphanage, I might as well enjoy the time tonight, instead of moping around an empty Hospital Wing."

            Dumbledore gestured to the bed.  "May I sit, Remus?"

            "Of course, sir."

            The wizened mage folded his hands as the 12 year old struggled with his tie.  "Remus, I had been meaning to speak with you about the orphanage.  I believe that I have located someone who is willing to adopt you."

            Remus froze, unable to believe his ears.  "Adopt?"

            "Yes.  You would have a family.  A small one, I would admit, but there is no doubt that you would be loved and cared for."

            "Who?"

            "A single wizard.  He's a grandfather already, but he is a trusted friend of the school's and he knows all about you."  

            The werewolf pulled his Slytherin sweater over his shirt.  "He's a friend of yours, then?"

            "You could say that."

            "And he knows everything?"

            "Yes."

            Remus nodded falling into silence again.  "I see," was the whispered reply.  

            "Remus, when you returned, you had as many bruises as I have ever seen you receive.  It is not a safe environment for any child, and I do not wish to allow you to return to such a place."

            "So, I'll have a father," he countered, more a statement than a question.

            "Yes, Remus.  You will have a father, and a home."

            "Who?" he repeated, more forcefully than before.

            "That is, if you'll have me, Remus."

            Remus turned from the window, about to fall over in shock.  "You, sir?  But you've already done so much, and…"

            Dumbledore smiled.  "It is time that somebody did more for you than just 'enough to get by'.  Remus, you are an intelligent student, a thoughtful person, and a kind soul.  And I am a lonely old man when the students are gone.  I would enjoy your company, and I would love to open my home to you, if you'll take it."

            Remus sat on the bed, next to Dumbledore.  "I… Merlin, why won't the world sit still for a second," he muttered.  "Headmaster, I don't know if you realize what you're proposing.  You're proposing to adopt a 12 year old werewolf, who you have educated for the past two.  And I am a Slytherin troublemaker at that!"

            "I have raised 3 children satisfactorily before.  Besides, Remus, our uniqueness only defines us if we let it.  I don't see you as a lycanthrope," he said gently.  He placed his hand on Remus' shoulder, before smiling again, azure eyes at full twinkle.  "I see you as Remus."

            "I'm fiercely independent, you know?" Remus countered after a moment's pause.

            "Yes, I do."

            "And hopelessly a neat freak."

            "I know," he said, chuckling.

            "I drink milk straight out of the carton.  Sometimes I use a spoon, then I put it right back in the drawer," he said jokingly.

            Dumbledore laughed outright.  "No, you don't.  You always use a glass," he said, mussing Remus' hair slightly.

            Remus laughed for a while and then sobered.  "But, sir… it wouldn't be safe… for either of us."

            Albus Dumbledore looked at Remus, slightly confused.  "To what are you referring, my boy?"

            Remus got up and walked to the window.  "Sir, on Knockturn Alley, you hear a lot of things when people think no one is listening.  I've heard a lot of people talking on the street.  About someone they keep calling Grindewald's successor… the next Dark Lord, Headmaster.  If they're right, it's not gonna be pretty when the bloke shows up.  I mean, he's recruiting several of the old Slytherin families… that's another place I've heard about it.  I have no desire to fight alongside the Ministry should this thing come to a head, but I dunno… the mention of this guy they keep talking about sends chills down my spine, and I don't know why.  His name is Voldemort, I think."  

            "Voldemort," Dumbledore echoed.  

            "Yeah, and if all these people down on Knockturn are telling the god's-honest-truth, things are gonna get really bad.  We're talking worse than the Dark Times of Grindewald.  And one of his targets is bound to be this school… and you."

            Albus nodded sadly.  "Indeed, it may be."

            "Don't you understand sir?" Remus asked, turning.  "If he does, then he will use whoever he can to make you give up… and if anyone is related to you _and_ at this school, that only increases the risk of him finding out and using that person to destroy you.  That's the way he's got to be thinking, sir.  If you adopt me, and the world finds out, I'll be a target as well as you, if not more.  And you'll forgive me, but I didn't survive this long by being a complete moron."

            Dumbledore sighed.  "Dear boy, life is a risk.  And so is love.  But if you live your life isolated from everyone else because you believe that you are performing a favor for the world, you will end up alone, and hurting so many more.  Strategically speaking, you are right.  If this new threat rises, I, and the entire school, may be in grave danger.  But if he is able to use your loneliness and isolation to destroy your life, then we will have lost greater things than our safety.  One person, Remus… one man, one woman, one child, can change the course of the future.  One man can destroy tyranny.  We know only what we are, not what we may one day become.  My offer still stands."

            Remus considered his shoes as the Headmaster made a discrete exit.  

            "Oh, and before I forget, Madame Pomfrey wished for me to convey to you, that you are not permitted to depart with the other students before the customary recovery period is up.  After the Feast, you shall return here, and once you have been released, then we will make a better decision of where to send you.  All I ask is that you consider my offer until then, Remus," Dumbledore said, pausing at the doorway.

            Remus sighed, eyes once again fully amber in annoyance.  "My dear Headmaster, you would have made a great Slytherin, if only for your skills of manipulation."

            Dumbledore chuckled.  "I have absolutely no idea what you are referring to, Remus."  He rummaged through his pockets, looking for the paperwork, and handed it to the lycanthrope.  "See you at the Feast, my boy."

--00--

Warning… Author's Rant ahead.

So, computers are the spawn of Satan.  I had a 9 page lab report on my computer, and was about to print it out, when the whole thing tanked.  Literally taking every document I had ever saved on this computer with it.  Aren't we glad that RHF (that would be me) had heard of backing up one's files?  Otherwise, people with pitchforks would be chasing me right now.   So good news… completely done with final exams… I'll try to keep them coming.  Bad news… I will have to track down where every file is now, before I can update again… and I am going away for the weekend.  So… yeah, I suck.

Hope you enjoyed Sick!Remus and how the guys pieced it together.  But coming up next is perhaps one of my favorite bits in Remus' pre-Harry life… the Whomping Willow incident!!!!

And for those who care, the quote about drinking milk out of the carton, yeah, that's not mine.  It's from "Man of the House", a movie from the 90's with a young Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Chevy Chase.  V. funny.

And now for the thanks:

            Lexi, Futon, Piri Lupin-Snape, Diva937, em, witchchild, and Kat


	6. Aftermath

            Chapter 5: Aftermath

            James Potter was having a miserable night.  It was near morning, actually, and he was in the Hospital Wing with one very unhappy and sullen Severus Snape.  Both boys had been thoroughly trounced by the Whomping Willow, and they were being kept for observation, and probably to discover what they knew about Remus.  James scratched under the bandages on his broken left arm, and sighed.  "Merlin, this is a disaster," he muttered.

            Snape glared at James.  "Were you in on it too?"

            James pushed himself up with his right arm.  "In on _what_ exactly, Snape?"

            "Black's little plan to get rid of me.  Lupin must have been in on it too, and I wouldn't put it past you two imbecilic Gryffindors to know as well!" he snapped.  He kept a piece of gauze pressed against his lip, and his temple was thoroughly bruised.   

            James' face went red in anger.  "You slimy Slytherin snake.  You've known Remus for how many years now?  He would never voluntarily try to hurt you!  As for Sirius, I have no idea what is going on in his head.  And I don't think I want to.  I don't want to be in his shoes when Remus gets back.  You know Remus' temper."

            At that moment, the doors to the ward opened and Dumbledore and Pomfrey walked in, accompanying a still figure on a stretcher.  

            "Remus," James breathed, getting out of bed.

            "Sit down, Mr. Potter!" Pomfrey snapped.  

            "But…"

            "No 'but's, Mr. Potter.  Remus will be fine.  Granted, it was a more difficult transformation than he has had in a while, but he will recover quickly.  I am more concerned with what the two of you now know about Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore said gravely.

            "We know that he's a werewolf.  Has been since he was 4."

            "Who is 'we', Mr. Potter?"

            "Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and myself," he said quietly.

            "When did you find out?"

            "We figured it out in second year, sir.  We… I mean Petey and I, we noticed when the times of his illness fell, and we looked for other signs, Headmaster."

            Dumbledore nodded, then turned to Sev.  "Mr. Snape, I do not know what possessed you to attempt to enter the Whomping Willow, but I must ask, for Remus' sake, that you never reveal what you have seen to anyone."

            "Sir, he's dangerous!" Snape protested.

            "When has he ever harmed you, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

            Snape's only response to this question was training his eyes on the floor.  "He hasn't, sir."

            "Precisely.  He is kept apart from the student body during the full moon, and every measure is taken to provide him with a safe environment, as you are given.  The Whomping Willow was planted to give that extra protection.  I know the prejudices against Remus' kind well, and I know that they are unfounded.  Remus is no less human than you are.  He is a kind and loving soul… intelligent, athletic, and he cares about your well-being, Mr. Snape.  What ever has been set down in books is wrong.  He has never posed a danger to anyone, and I am proud of Mr. Lupin… as proud as I am of any of my students.  Now… the question is, will you do right by your friend, Mr. Snape?"

            Severus touched the bump on his head accidentally and winced.  "You're asking me to set aside everything I have ever learned about Dark Creatures, sir," he said simply.  "I don't know that that is possible."

            "Is he intelligent?"

            "Yes."

            "Is he dedicated?"

            "Yes."

            "Does he deserve any less than you do?"

            "No, sir."

            "Then respect his secret.  He has had a hard life already, and without this education, it will be near impossible for him to survive on his own.  Grant him that much, Mr. Snape."

            "Of course, sir," he forced himself to say.  

            The Headmaster nodded and followed into the room where Pomfrey was treating Remus.  

            James watched Sev process this information, then he turned away.  He decided he really didn't want to know what the Slytherin was thinking.

            Severus thought hard.  'How in the hell could he have kept this from me?  All the signs were there… the scar, the periodic sickness, how I always handled the aconite in our Potions experiments…how stupid could I have been?'  He scoffed.  Next came the stunning revelation.  'He never trusted me… not enough to tell me what was going on.  He never cared about me… he just pretended… like my family does.  He never was my friend.'

            Severus Snape walked into the 6th year dorms to get his homework before avoiding his roommates again.  He hated end of year exams, and could never study in the Common Room, not with the common idiots in the Slytherin House.  He inhaled before opening the door, as though the added breath would give him strength.

            Bent over the trunk at the end of the bed next to Snape's was Remus Lupin.  His long hair obscured his face as he furiously dug through his trunk.  Every once in a while, he'd take another piece or two of clothing and stuff it into a rucksack.  He then moved to his wardrobe and resumed his packing.

            "Planning a post-exam trip?" he asked of Remus acidly.  

            "No.  Catch," Remus said, tossing a small object to Snape.

            Severus caught it deftly in his right hand.  Opening his palm flat, he found a well-polished silver and green Prefect's badge.  Remus' Prefect's badge, to be precise.  "Why are you giving this to me?"

            Remus turned, sighing.  "What is this?  Twenty Questions?  You were next up for it anyway."  He picked up another pair of shoes and stuffed them into his bag.

            "I repeat.  Planning a trip?"

            "No.  I would have thought it was obvious, Sev."  He stopped packing clothes and grabbed the bag of toiletries from his trunk.  "I'm leaving."

            "Where are you going?"

            "I don't know," he admitted, closing his bag.

            "That's a plan worthy of a Hufflepuff.  Are you planning to return?" he asked, crossing his arms.

            Remus stiffened at the insult.  "No."

            Snape sighed.  "Dare I ask why?"

            Remus tossed the bag onto the bed and moved to get his cloak.  "Fuck, Sev.  I'd have thought of all the people that I could be having this conversation with, you'd understand.  I mean, you are undoubtedly the smartest of the individuals that I call a 'friend'."  He fastened the clasp at the base of his neck and sighed.  "I'm leaving because I should never have come here in the first place.  No one was supposed to know.  I was foolish to have believed the fairy-tale promises made to me when I was 11.  I nearly killed you."

            "Yes," he responded simply.

            Remus looked away, closing his eyes.  "I never meant to hurt you, Sev.  I treasure you as a friend… and I'm…"

            "You're running away because of this?"

            Remus scoffed.  "I'd rather think of this as a tactical retreat, Severus.  We are not Gryffindors, there's no reason to pretend that this is 'running away.'"

            "Where would you go?  An uneducated werewolf.  You have no money, no credentials…"

            "Thanks for that blunt _aide __mémoire of reality.  Whatever _will_ I do without you, Severus?" he snapped, eyes amber in annoyance._

            "How could I have been so blinded, Lupin.  I, your only real competition in DADA, and I failed to see what was so plainly before me."

            "You saw what you wanted to believe, Severus.  I never lied to you, I lied to Sirius.  And you didn't see Remus Lupin the werewolf, you saw the frail, tragically flawed boy Remus.  The boy with no real home, no real family, skill in every class that you did, and some that you didn't.  That's what you chose to see.  Our perceptions determine our reality, Severus.  You perceived that I was an ally… not a threat.  And so I have become just Remus to you."

            "And in the 5 years we have been friends, you _never_ told me?  You trusted those overly juvenile miscreants, but not your Potions partner and dormmate?"

            "You stated your views on Dark creatures quite clearly, Severus.  One can only imagine what was running through your mind when you found out.  Probably thinking of all the Potions you could make with a bit of my fur, or some of my blood.  I've seen the way you look at the Dark potions that call for something like that.  You are intrigued.  We are useful, brutal, but sub-human.  That may be so, but I am still a better human being than most of the people it has been my great misfortune to meet!  I keep my promises, Severus.  I don't judge someone based on their family, or their past.  And I never use what I know to hurt someone else.  I defended Sirius my first day at this school and he did this to me," he spat.  "I was better off on the streets.  You can't be betrayed by your friends if you don't have any."  Remus set his jaw and picked up the bag.  "Farewell, Severus."

            Snape shut his eyes and waited until Remus reached the door.  "Funny."

            Remus paused.  "What is?"

            "I never had you pegged for a coward." 

            "I'm a survivor, Severus."  With that, the door closed.

            "Survival is not living."

            Sirius looked at his books as he sat in the Library.  Potions.  It was Remus' favorite subject, and Sirius' worst.  And he couldn't ask his best friend any of the questions.  Remus was still avoiding him.  And the Potions final was rapidly approaching.

            Remus' exams had fallen before the full moon, in case he was too ill to study, officially.  Remus now had little to do except practice Quidditch and do his Prefect evening patrols.  Indeed, Remus had not spoken to any of the Marauders since he left the hospital.  And Sirius was almost glad.  He never again wanted to see the anger in those eyes, the harsh words yelled from Remus.

            "Hey, Sirius," James said, soberly.

            "James."

            "What's wrong?"

            "Damn Potions.  I don't know how Remus understands this shit," he muttered.  

            Peter sat down.  "Don't think that any of us do, Sirius.  You could always ask him, though…"

            "Except that he's not talking to me right now," Sirius snapped.  

            "He's not talking to any of us right now," Peter reminded.  "Although, I probably wouldn't be speaking to you if I were him."

            "It was bloody stupid of you, Padfoot," James added.

            "Knock it off!  I know.  Remus read me the riot act, and then Dumbledore called me to his office.  I'd be surprised if we even had a chance for the House Cup after this."  He sighed.  "The last thing he said to me was 'I can't believe I ever trusted a traitor like you.'  Then he told me to get out of his sight.  Merlin.  I haven't been able to get to sleep in 4 days… and I hear he asked Pomfrey to stay in the Hospital Wing until the end of term.  He won't even look at me, won't even stay in the same room with me."

            James bit his lip.  "He'll forgive you, given time, Padfoot.  I can feel it… it's just the kind of person Moony is."

            "He wasn't at meals today," Peter pointed out.

            James sighed.  "He's probably just blowing off steam."

            "No.  He's not," Snape cut in, walking from behind the bookshelves.

            "Snape, what the hell are you doing here?" Sirius snarled.

            "I know a secret, Black.  You see, I was hoping to avoid our dear dormmate, but I was unable to do so.  He gave me this," he said, pulling the badge out of his pocket and slamming it into the pages of Sirius' textbook.  "You daft, inconsiderate pillock.  He was the only one of our year who showed real mettle… the only one of us with true honor.  And now he is gone, thanks to you."

            James got to his feet.  "What are you talking about?"

            "He's cut and run, Potter.  Gone.  How much more simply can I word this?" Snape growled.  "He packed some clothes, put on his cloak and walked out.  I tried to find him, and I've just been to see the Headmaster.  He's contacted the Aurors, but there's no guarantee they'll even be able to find Remus.  He knows the Muggle world better than any other pureblood I know.  I am angry with him for not telling me.  But I am furious with you for using him to get back at me.  How _dare_ you, Black!!!  He'll never trust anyone again.  Keep his prefect badge.  So you can have something to remember your betrayal by."  He scoffed.  "Lupin trusted you as brothers.  He chose you over me.  And you broke his heart.  He did _nothing_ to you.  Damn you.  Damn you _all._"

            The trio watched him leave as Sirius fingered the familiar Slytherin crest.  He grasped it in his hand, and slammed his Potions book closed.  His next words were barely audible through the sobs as he walked away.  "What the hell have I done?" 

_            "Nobody needs me, nobody wants me and I don't need anyone else. I don't want to be adopted."_

_ "But if it gets you out…"_

_ "Sirius… what is worse? To be alone, or to be hurt?" _

--00--

If you're confused, if you have questions, even if you just want to yell at me, please, review… I like reviews.  They're nice.  I don't get enough of them on this story to feed my ego.  But it is a labor of love.  I will see it done if it's the last thing I do.  Hopefully it won't be.  Although… I don't know quite which ending I'll take.  You'll just have to wait and see.

Please, review.

Once again, I don't own anything but Romulus Allenson (the complete @$$hole from Ravenclaw) and the plot.  Oh, and some stuff not related to this story… but don't sue me for that, please.

Thanks to my reviewers.

Ralza, and Jandra

Note:  No, Jandra, I agree, I really think that there is more to Remus than Rowling shows… you couldn't live a lifetime as a discriminated Dark Creature and not kick some ass once in a while.  And I feel that he is a survivor, but as Severus points out in this chapter, sometimes surviving is not living.

I often fear that my characters are somewhat OOC, but as a friend of mine (not a fanfic writer, but a best friend here at school) is fond of pointing out, if it's believable given what you have explained in the story, then it's not OOC at all.  She has read this fic, and loves it… although, granted, she has seen more of the plot then you have.  I **hate it when people write characters so OOC, like the Severitus challenge where miraculously Snape and Harry fall over crying and professing their outright happiness at their new found relationship, or when people faint for no apparent reason, then wake up and start acting possessed or something.  Those are what  I fear, and one of the greatest faux pas I think that anyone can make in fanfiction.  **

Next chapter:  Answers to the question 'Where the hell did he go?' as well as 'What made him come back?'  and 'Can this fanfic author ever get on with the plot?'

S

RHF


	7. Dark Alleys

Chapter 6: Dark Alleys

            Severus walked the streets of Wizarding London in mid July.  His father was attending to paperwork with the Ministry, while Severus was preparing to make out his birthday list, as he would turn 18 in August.  He walked from the boring bookstores on Diagon Alley to the less reputable ones on Knockturn… he had been there before, with Remus, and he had known the best places for everything.  

            His black robes flared around him, catching the wind and making him look more dangerous than a normal 17 year old.  Intimidation… another tactic he had learned from the lycanthrope… why in the hell was he thinking about Remus so much today?  Sighing, he scribbled down the name of a few more books that he had seen in the last shop onto his list and prepared to meet his father back beside Flourish and Blotts.  

            It was then that he heard two hags muttering, "Did you see that body over there?  You'd think that the Aurors would have gotten rid of it by now."

            "Bloodied up that one was," said the other.

            Snape followed their gaze and walked to a dark corner of the alleyway, near the orphanage known as St. Jerome's.  He gasped at what he saw.  

            A rail-thin but tall teen lay sprawled on the ground.  He clutched a leather rucksack like a pillow, and gashes lay on his arms in various stages of healing.  Sticking in his left arm was a hypodermic needle, and Severus could tell that when it was clean, the teen's hair was light brown.  His clothes were ragged, he was greatly in need of a bath and there were dark smudges underneath his eyes.  

            Severus placed his hand over the person's nose and mouth, and felt the movement of air.  He grasped the fragile wrist, the skin nearly crackled like paper underneath his fingers.  There was a slow but thready pulse.  

            One did not simply call out for help in the middle of Knockturn Alley.  Snape drew his wand and decided to wake the person.  "Ennervate."

            The vagrant inhaled and opened his eyes slowly.

            "Remus.  What the fuck do you think you are doing?" he asked hotly.

            "Killing myself with all the mercy (or lack thereof) I deserve," he said, words slurred slightly from the drugs in his system.

            Snape knelt on Remus' left arm and pulled the needle out.  "Evidently.  You had Dumbledore worried sick."

            "Of course I did."  He curled up into a small ball.  "Leave me alone, Sev."

            "No.  My father is here.  You're coming home with us, and we will contact Dumbledore once we get you… sober."  Snape brushed his hair out of his eyes as he looked around, hoping to see his father.

            "How plain do I have to be?  I don't want your help, and I'm not worth the trouble.  I've known that all my life," he said, pushing Snape away.  "Besides… why should I trust you?  You hate me… I nearly killed you."

            "So you keep reminding me.  And you should trust me because I am never a friend to anyone who isn't worth the trouble.  You will someday be a great wizard, but you can't do it lying in a gutter somewhere, being a sight that even hags complain about," Snape said, casting a calming spell on Remus and picking him up.  There was no protest from the werewolf and Snape walked back to Diagon Alley in silence as Remus fell asleep.

            "Severus, what is that?" Tiberius Snape asked his son.

            "Father, remember I told you about the Slytherin who ran away at the end of last term?  This is Remus Lupin," he whispered.  "He's… unwell.  We need to get him out of here, and tell Dumbledore, so that his adopted father can be notified."

            "You never told me why he left?"

            "He made the decision to befriend a group of Gryffindors, and he later regretted their friendship."

            Tiberius examined the boy with watchful eyes.  "Very well.  Apparate to the Manor and place him in one of the guest suites.  We will contact Dumbledore as soon as we are home."

            Severus nodded and held on to the werewolf, Apparating to his ancestral home.

            Remus didn't move at all.  Whatever he had taken, it was having adverse effects.  Maybe it was one of those Muggle street drugs…  But without a medi-wizard, they wouldn't know.

            He lay the werewolf down on a black duvet-covered bed and set the bag on the floor.  He muttered a few charms to keep Remus in the bedroom and bathroom, another to alert Sev when he woke, and another to prevent further self-injury.  He walked downstairs to find his father in the study, fire-calling the Headmaster.

            "Albus, my son was most insistent that I contact you immediately," Tiberius said coolly.  He had never liked Dumbledore now that he had graduated.  "Ah, Severus.  Tell your Headmaster what had happened today."

            "Yes, father.  Professor, I was in Wizarding London today, and I found him."

            "You located Mr. Lupin?"

            Severus nodded.  "Yes, sir.  He is somewhat ill… and injured.  We have brought him to Snape Manor and he is sleeping _it_ off… whatever _it_ is."

            "What do you mean?"

            "He had recently injected something into his arm.  He is very sluggish… and drowsy.  Took him a few moments to recognize me, and he didn't even stay awake for that long.  He also looked like he hadn't slept in a few days, nor ate, and he had gashes on his arms, legs and torso."  Severus sighed.  "He was not in good shape, sir."

            The twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes had long since vanished.  "With your permission, I would like to see Mr. Lupin, and if need be, see him back to Hogwarts for treatment.  If this is acceptable, of course, Tiberius?"

            "Of course," Tiberius said evenly.  

            The Headmaster stepped through the Floo and Severus gestured his professor to the guest suite.

            "He didn't want to be found, sir."

            Dumbledore sighed.  "I was afraid of that.  Is your father aware…"

            Severus shook his head.  "No.  I only told him that he was a fellow Slytherin, who made unwise associations with those outside his house.  My father understands that sometimes, the only house a Slytherin can count on is Slytherin.  I wish that Remus had known that," he muttered, opening the door.  

            The Headmaster looked inside.  Remus lay sleeping on his back, tangled and matted hair draped haphazardly over his face.  A peaceful expression rested on the teen's face and Albus sighed.  "Thank the gods."  The aged wizard walked to one side of the bed and sat upon it, brushing the hair from Remus' face.  "Thank you, Severus."

            Snape shrugged.  "Just because I'm a Slytherin doesn't mean I am a cold heartless bastard, sir.  If our positions were reversed, he'd have done at least as much for me," he said.  "Did you need anything, Headmaster?"

            "His injuries, and the symptoms you describe, force me to believe that he should see Madame Pomfrey immediately.  What is the best way to leave Snape Manor?"

            "Floo would probably hurt him.  I'd recommend Portkey."

            Dumbledore nodded.  "Severus, I cannot stress enough the need for secrecy."

            "I understand, sir.  Tell him he can have his damn badge back.  Tell him it's penance for being a moron," he said quietly.

            "I will do that.  Where is it?" Dumbledore asked as he charmed the Portkey.

            "Black has it… I yelled at him the day Lupin left."

            Dumbledore smiled, gathering the boy's rucksack in his arms and preparing to use the Portkey.  "I believe Madame Pince may have informed me of such.  Thank you, Severus.  His father will be overjoyed to see him home again," he said quietly.

            Snape nodded as the Headmaster grasped the bag of Lemon Drops and along with Remus, disappeared.

            Remus' head hurt.  He was sweaty, weak, nauseous and he felt like death warmed over.  It was like the post-transformation disorientation, only ten times worse.    

            "Remus," said Madame Pomfrey gently.  "Remus, please wake up."

            He groaned a bit and yawned.  "What?"

            "Remus, I need to know what you took."

            "Chasing the dragon…"

             Another voice cut in.  It sounded like the Headmaster.  "'Chasing the dragon?'"

            "Damn it.  It's a muggle saying… he's on opiates.  They're meant as soporifics… pain-killers.  And I'd be willing to bet from the scars on his arms, he's been abusing it since he left…" she said, clinking glass bottles together.  "Sit him up, Albus.  Remus, I need you to drink this now."

            He felt himself being helped up, but lay limply against his mentor.  

            "Merlin, the withdrawals are going to be hell," Pomfrey muttered as she poured a pepper-up potion down his throat, followed by one to counteract the mental sluggishness brought on by the opium.

            "He's strong, Poppy… he won't be the same as he was before… but he'll recover in time."

            "Albus, lay him on his side, just in case he begins vomiting."  She sighed.  "I only hope he hasn't caught any Muggle diseases from those damned needles.  What do you suppose drove him to this?"

            Dumbledore rubbed his forehead.  "Remus alone can answer that.  He will have some hard questions to answer when he awakes.  Not the least of which is why?"

            The next month and a half were hell for Remus.  He went through terrible withdrawals, resulting in insomnia, anxiety, tremors and less visible effects, combined with the pain of his transformations.  He saw a psychiatrist, but that rarely helped.  How did one explain being a werewolf to a person who had never treated one before?  In the end, he settled for counseling sessions with Dumbledore, which were harder by half.  

            "Remus, you are ready for the Feast?  The other students will arrive shortly," Dumbledore asked from the doorway of Remus' summer rooms in the castle.  

            "Yes, sir."

            "Remus, you don't have to call me that.  The term has not yet started."

            Remus adjusted his silver and green tie, sighing.  "Better to get back into the habit, so no one notices, sir."  He turned to the mirror.  "You know, it's kind of ironic… the color of my house is the one color I could never touch."

            "Lucius had asked if you had received a Prefect's ring."

            Remus scoffed.  "Right.  An emerald, set in silver.  That would work _real_ well, Professor."

            "He offered to persuade you to get one, if you did not do so before the term started.  His exact words were, and I quote, 'it would be absolutely shameful for Remus, one of the most distinguished prefects in Slytherin in recent years, did not receive the symbol of honor that is rightly his.'"

            Remus tugged at his cuffs, buttoning them.  "Yup, sounds like Lucius."

            "Remus, every 7th year was offered the position of Head Slytherin Male Prefect… every one of them refused… saying it belonged to one student.  You.  Please accept the position again," Dumbledore said, looking at the boy… nearly a man.  

            Remus stood tall, his ginger brown hair slightly silvered from his summer, and his clothing was impeccably pressed.  He sighed, turning towards his guardian and picked up his robes.  "I don't deserve it, Albus."

            "These are not given lightly, Remus.  For 6 years, you have been a dedicated and respected student.  There is not a person within these walls who does not admire your perseverance, and your intelligence, your athleticism.  Not a student who hasn't complemented you to his or her peers.  You would have made an excellent Head Boy, Remus.  But I will settle for you accepting this honor… and this."  

            Remus watched his mentor hand him a small box.  

            "I told Lucius that you would prefer platinum.  It is not silver in any form…"

            Remus opened it and sighed.  "He wouldn't accept me if he knew."

            Albus smiled.  "Those who love and respect you will understand.  Come, Remus.  We must not be late."

            The werewolf sighed again and slipped the ring onto his right ring finger.  Risking one last glance in the mirror, he left the room and followed Dumbledore to the Great Hall.

            "I haven't heard from Remus since he left," Sirius muttered to James.  "You?"

            "No," he sighed, pulling a badge from his pocket regretfully.  "You'd think we would have heard of something by now."

            Peter was silent as Lily fidgeted with her Head Girl badge.  "I don't know…"

            They entered the Great Hall, the first of the students to arrive… save one.  A single figure sat at the far end of the Slytherin table, considering his hands.  

            Another 7th year walked past them.  "Oh, yes.  Gawking is the best way to win him back, Black."  He stalked to the end of the table where Remus sat.  "Hello.  You're looking better."

            Remus laughed bitterly.  "Could I have looked any worse?"

            "You could have been burned to a crisp by a dragon, or mauled by a chimera, or…"

            "Oh, shut up, Sev."  He snorted.  "By the way, Sev… thank you."

            The darker Slytherin nodded.  "You're welcome.  If you ever need to talk, Remus…"

            "Yeah, the psychiatrists drilled it into my head about the need for my support structure.  I had a miserable summer, how are you?"

            Snape scoffed.  "You mean, aside from finding one of my best friends half-dead in a dark alleyway?  It was fairly good.  You still managed top marks in our year, though.  Beat out both Evans and Potter this time.  You keep this up and you'll make valedictorian easily."

            Remus rolled his eyes.  "And you?"

            "Third in our class… ahead of Potter."

            "I really wish they wouldn't fucking stare at me… like I'm a zoo exhibit or something…" he trailed off.  "Say it and I will beat the crap out of you, Sev."

            "Wouldn't dream of it.  They're trying to figure out how best to remove their feet from their mouths… or more accurately, how to get it out of the tremendous pile of shit they have stepped in," Snape said.  "I thought that you…"

            Remus followed his gaze.  "Oh, platinum.  Dumbledore told Lucius that I preferred platinum, and he was happy to speak to a jeweler about it.  A little white lie, I suppose."

            Severus arched one eyebrow.  "It will eliminate some suspicion."

            "Why are you being so nice to me?"

            He sighed.  "I don't know how to explain it.  Let's just say, I know what it's like to come from a home where you aren't wanted.  But unfortunately, I'm the only Snape to have survived in my generation."

            "Pureblood families and their need for the perfect heir… makes me physically ill, Sev.  I'm sorry."  He played with the fork in front of him and sighed.  

            "Yeah.  It's why I never fought you on one of your tantrums about the upper class:  they're all legitimate, but they act like bastards just the same."  Snape smiled.  He then shot Sirius a warning glance as the teen came closer, whereupon he sat farther down the table and left the two alone.  

            McGonagall guided the first years in and the Feast began.

--00-- 

Disclaimer is in the first chapter.

I hope you guys like this, and try not to hate me for posting 2 days before OoTP comes out.  I can't wait though.  Hope you have a good weekend. S (6-19-03)

Pegataur Cat- How funny… that makes me happy too.

Lord R- Thanks.  I'm really flattered, and I hope you like this chapter too.

Remus-Lupin- Thanks Moony.  Hope to see you online again soon.

I Love Beans- I like beans too.  I hope you like this bit…


	8. Saying Goodbye

Chapter 7: Now Leaving Sanctuary

_Lord, what a thoughtless wretch was I,  
To mourn, and murmur and repine,  
To see the wicked placed on high,  
In pride and robes of honor shine.  
But oh, their end, their dreadful end,  
Thy sanctuary taught me so,  
On slipp'ry rocks I see them stand,  
And fiery billows roll below._

            -- Isaac Watts (1674–1748), British hymn-writer

            It was nearly Christmas in the year of 1977, and Slytherin House was home to yet another argument.  But this time, it wasn't Remus yelling at Sirius.  

            "Are you completely out of your bleeding mind, Remus?" Sev shouted.  "I can't believe that you are even considering this…"

            "Yeah, well aren't you the one who told me that friendship isn't doing what is naturally easy, but what takes some effort?" he snapped back.  "They apologized, and they've spent over 6 months in the doghouse for their mistake.  Isn't this worth letting them have another shot?"

            "Did you learn nothing from last June?  Nothing of what happens from trusting too much?  I understand.  You've told me before that you didn't have many friends as a child, but you can't give all your trust to a person who makes false promises, or no promises at all!"  Snape rubbed his forehead.  "You know as well as I do that you can't trust anyone else the way that you can trust a Slytherin!"

            "Sirius _is_ a fucking Slytherin, Sev!" Remus countered.

            "In name only… we both know he'd make a better Gryffindor than a Slytherin," Sev said, collapsing on one of the couches.  He placed his face in his hands. 

            "You're jealous," Remus said with a smile.

            "What?"  
            "You're jealous that now that we have been friends for a while that you're going to lose me to them… you're jealous of Sirius and James!" he cried.

            "I most certainly am not.  Why on earth would they be worth my envy?" he asked, dangerously.  

            "Sev, nothing's gonna change, if I can help it."

            Snape sprang to his feet.  "So miraculously, Potter and Black are going to accept me as their new friend?  What kind of fantasy are you living in, Remus?"

            "Sev, listen to me for a second-"

            "No, Lupin, you listen to me.  They have hurt you, badly.  They have put your life at risk, and they have nearly destroyed everything that you have worked for your entire life.  And there is not a damn thing that will keep your precious friends from doing it again, but _you.  You need to wisen up, Remus!" he said, leaning over Remus simply to intimidate him.  "This will happen again, unless you put a stop to it.  Most people in an abusive relationship believe that they will never be hurt again, unless they do something wrong.  You have done nothing wrong… you are not wrong, but you can't allow them to treat you like this."_

            "Severus… how more clearly can I say this?  I trust them, like I trust you."

            Snape narrowed his eyes at the werewolf, and grabbed his bag.  "I am returning to Snape Manor for the holidays.  Do whatever you want.  Patch things up with those _friends_ of yours, but do not make the mistake of coming to me for sympathy when they hurt you again.  Don't come crying to me, because all that you will hear is a brief 'I told you so.'  You're stronger than they are.  Better than they.  Don't allow them to push you down."  He stalked out, only barely hearing the whispered response.

            "I don't cry, Sev.  Not anymore."

*******************

            An 18 year old Remus Lupin stood packing his things in the Slytherin dungeons.  He only packed the clothes that he owned, namely two sets of robes, a few pair of jeans, shirts, socks and pants.  "Now what have I forgotten?"

            "Try your best friend in the world," Sirius said from behind him.  "You didn't think you were leaving after graduation without saying goodbye?"

            Remus turned and smiled.  "I was gonna leave a note."

            "Right.  You know I'd have to hunt you down and beat the shit out of you for that."

            "Hey, Sirius, I thought I was the bad arse in this friendship."

            Sirius smiled.  "Yeah, you were.  Look, Moony, why don't you just come and stay with me.  My mum and dad are gone, and once Rigel goes back to Hogwarts come September, I'll be horribly lonely."

            Remus could only shake his head.  "Try getting a job, you nutter."

            "Ha ha ha.  Very funny.  You know how much Sirius Black hates to work.  I am Sirius Black, therefore I don't want to work."

            The werewolf closed his trunk quietly.  "At least you have the option," he muttered.  

            "So where are you headed?  To mystery father's place?"

            Remus shut his bag.  "A room above a bookstore on Knockturn Alley.  It's not much, but the owner will let me stay there for free if I run the store for her.  And the pay is fine, since I don't have to worry about rent.  She's getting older, but she doesn't want to sell it quite yet."

            "Remmy, you're the top of our class.  You got more NEWTs than any one else… in fact, the three of us combined have less than you.  You shouldn't have to work in one of those stores.  You should be running the entirety of the Gringotts consortium," Sirius said, sighing.

            "That things are as they are, I can't change.  I can't change that anymore than I could stop the moon from waxing and waning.  You have to accept my lot in life, Siri.  I have," he said, a bit defeatedly.  

            As Remus turned to leave, Sirius blocked his way.  "You shouldn't have to settle.  You deserve more."

            Remus placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder and gave a brief smile.  "I know you want to change the world, but give it time, Sirius.  I'll owl you when I'm settled."

            "But it has to change," Sirius whispered as Remus walked out of the Slytherin dorms for the last time.  "Otherwise, what are we fighting for?"

*************

            Remus sat in a bookshop on Knockturn Alley in the late summer of the year 1981.  He wore jeans and a long-sleeved burgundy t-shirt and his brown hair was pulled back in a utilitarian ponytail.  He leaned over the counter reading the morning's copy of the Daily Prophet.  He shook his head.

            It's no wonder that Voldemort and his cronies persisted in their reign of terror in the Wizarding World.  The Ministry had just been shaken by two more assassinations and a new set of witch-hunts had begun.  Figurative, he reminded himself.  Not literal.

            He rubbed his forehead as the bell on the door tinkled, signaling the entry of another customer.  Remus knew that this was just the beginning of another post-full moon migraine and he sighed, turning the page.

            "Excuse me, sir.  I'm looking for a repository of Roman mythology," a cloaked figure said from before the counter.

            Remus looked up, frowning at the other person.  "Well, I honestly don't know.  If we do have any, they'll be in that set of shelves there," he said pointing.  "You might try Flourish and Blotts if you don't get lucky there.  It's a bit… well, mainstream for this store."

            The customer chuckled.  "Who said that I was looking for a book, Remmy?" asked the figure, lowering his cowl.

            "Jamie!" Remus said, getting to his feet.  "How the hell are you?"  He held out his hand, smiling.

            "Oh, things are good."  James firmly clasped his friend's hand.  

            "And Lily and Harry?" he asked, closing the paper.

            "They're good.  Lily's talked… about having another kid.  I don't know that I'm ready," he said, putting his hands on the counter.  

            "I don't know that the world is ready.  I mean, Harry is a great kid and all.  He's just a bit-"

            "Too much like Sirius for his own good," James said.  "Trust me, I know."

            "So what brings you to the Alley?  Not many Gryffindors come down this way these days," Remus asked, sitting back down on the stool.

            "You.  I'm sorry I didn't make it to Hogsmeade last time…"

            Remus laughed.  "It was your child's first birthday party.  Like I actually expected you to come?  You had better things to do than deal with me."

            James sighed.  "I know, but what would Harry think if he knew I broke a promise to one of my best friends?  Did Peter come?"

            "Peter was visiting his mum or some such.  You know how sickly she is."

            James' smile disappeared.  "But Sirius was with us in Godric's Hollow!  You mean to tell me that you went through the change alone?" he hissed.

            "James, it's not that big a deal," Remus countered.  "I was alone for the first 11 years, until you three got your act together."

            "Remmy, you should have said something.  Sirius or I would have come if we had known."

            "James, I was a lone wolf as a child.  You three have your own lives, and I have mine."  He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets.

            James placed his hands on Remus' shoulders.  "You are an important part of our lives.  I don't care what kind of misplaced nobility you see in silent suffering.  You should have Flooed.  You keep declining our invitations to dinner, and now the store?"

            "Sirius told you?" Remus asked, sighing.

            "_You_ didn't tell me.  _Sirius _told me at tea yesterday afternoon.  Lily and I nearly had a fit.  Why didn't you tell me that she was selling the store?" he asked hotly.

            Remus looked away.  "Because you would feel obligated to do exactly what you are doing… to try and help me out.  I didn't want that, until I was secure in what I was going to do next."

            "Remus, Lily and I _want_ to help.  There's no obligation…"

            The werewolf sighed again.  "James, you don't understand.  This… is all I have.  It's not much, but it's mine.  _I_ want to be independent.  I always have been.  It's a part of who I am, and I can't just start taking hand-outs.  Even from my adopted father or my best friends, Jamie.  You have to understand that."

            The Gryffindor flinched.  "Remus, what's the use of having all that I have if I can't share it with anyone?"

            "You can.  Share it with Lily.  Share it with Harry.  Besides, I've been meaning to do some traveling anyways.  You know, me, a rucksack and the open countryside."  His hazel eyes took on a dreamy gaze as though he were already gone.  

            "It's not safe, Remus.  Not anymore.  I never let Lily go out alone, mostly because she's my wife, but also because she's muggle born.  What if someone takes you and decides to use you against us?  What if something happens to you?  I don't want Harry to grow up not having known you!" James said quietly, desperately grabbing Remus' shirtsleeve.

            "I'll be fine.  The Death Eaters know enough to leave me alone… they have so far.  Most of them recognize me on sight, but know that I want nothing to do with their side of the war.  You don't think that this entire street is swarming with them?" he asked defeated.  "It's why you're wearing that bloody cloak in the middle of August."

            "Remus, I'm serious.  I don't want you going."

            "No, you're not.  You're James.  Look, every day for the past two years I have worked in this place.  And now that I have a bit of money saved up, it's closing.  There are only two ways to view this.  Either as a dead end or as an opportunity.  I see it as an opportunity for a bit of a vacation.  I haven't had one since the end of fifth year.  I might want to spend a bit of time hunting Dark Creatures for potions ingredients or catch up with old friends from my House."

            James sighed.  "Sirius is right.  You are a stubborn son of a bitch, aren't you?"

            "As always," he said mildly.  

            "Will you at least be back before Samhain?"

            Remus sighed.  "Probably not."

            "Yule then?"  

            "I suppose."

            "Good.  You'll spend it with us.  And Sirius will probably come, now that Rigel is basically living with his aunt.  The four of us," he said, smiling.  "Gods, how long has it been since Petey, Sirius and the two of us were in a room together?"

            "Graduation, I think.  Petey couldn't make Harry's Christening."

            "Have you told Sirius of your plans?"

            "No.  I… I didn't tell him.  I didn't know the best way to put it."

            "And the old man?" James asked, unknowingly referring to Dumbledore.

            "He suggested the sabbatical.  Said that I shouldn't spend the best part of my life behind a counter," Remus replied, lying.  In truth, Dumbledore had as little an idea as Sirius did.

            "Hate to say it, but he's right.  You should get to live a little.  I just wish that you would move to Wales, you know?  Be closer to Lily and Harry and I."

            "Come on, James.  I was raised in this part of London.  You can take the boy out of the city, but you can't take the city out of the boy.   I wouldn't be at home anywhere else," Remus countered.  "James, quit worrying about me."

            "I can't help it."  James glanced at his watch.  "Damn.  Remmy, I've got to get going.  I got office duty in the HQ building.  I'm actually here on my lunch break."

            Remus nodded.  "You take care now.  Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he said, getting to his feet and walking out from behind the counter.  He caught James in what was to him, a gentle embrace, and let go, smiling at him.  "Keep an eye out for the munchkin.  Merlin knows with Siri around, that child will either go mad or be traumatized by the time he's five."

            "And you were always the innocent one?"

            Remus laughed.  "No, I was the one who made sure we never got caught."

            James stepped back.  "Those were good times."  He sighed.  "You Floo me the second before you leave, okay?  I'll sic Lily on you and see if she can't talk you out of this."

            "James…"  
            James just smiled.  "I mean it.  You be careful, and look after yourself!"

            "It's what I'm best at.  Give my love to Lily and the little bit.  And watch your back out there, Jamie.  It's not exactly safe for a bloke in the Ministry these days," Remus said.  "Take care."

            James nodded.  "Till next time, Moony."

*************************

            "I assure you, milord.  This is the best time possible for you to approach your latest target.  The boy is isolated, the store where he works is closing and he's planning to travel with just the clothes on his back and the money in his purse," a Death Eater reported to Lord Voldemort that night.

            "You believe that he will be amenable to my offer?"

            "Pardon for the interruption, milord, but whom do you speak of?" Lucius Malfoy cut in respectfully.

            Voldemort smiled.  "You know the boy.  Think of the most charming, forceful, powerful and intelligent Slytherin first year when you were 6th year prefect?"

            "Remus Lupin?" Lucius asked, smiling.

            "Of course.  My servant Pettigrew has been keeping rather close tabs on Lupin, and he believes that the time is right to recruit him," Voldemort said.

            "Milord, would you like me to recruit him on your behalf?"

            Voldemort smiled.  "I think that given his personal history, I would prefer to turn this… individual myself, Lucius.  We share… common bonds, and I know more of him than even you do.  I have watched the boy for years and even if he had never attended Hogwarts, I would have tutored him on my own.  Unfortunately, that Muggle-loving Dumbledore got to him first."

            "My Lord, surely you must be joking!  Remus Lupin?" a third Death Eater asked.  "His temperament is no more suited to your service than a dragon is suited for life in a thatch house."

            Voldemort turned.  "Crucio!" he spat, watching the writhing Death Eater before releasing him.  The servant lay in a pile on the floor.  "No, Romulus, I do believe he _will _join us.  Lucius."

            Malfoy stepped forward.  "Yes, Lord Voldemort?"

            "Lupin mentioned visiting certain of his former Slytherin friends.  While I understand that the two of you got off to a somewhat rocky start, you managed to win him over quite well over the last several years.  You will offer your mansion as a resting spot for the boy on his way.  When he arrives, you are to notify me at once.  Is that understood?"

            Lucius smiled behind his mask.  "Perfectly, milord."

****************

And now for the review responses… Thanks to both of you… You have no idea how much it means to me to have reviews on this story.  

Nooka- Um… now.  Now is good.  Just kidding.  I hope you like this chapter… I was hoping to show more of the plot.

Yoake Kaiba- Thanks.  I think he's a rather underdeveloped character, both in JKR's work and in fanfiction.  I hope you like where I'm going with this, and continue to review.

And a note.  Thanks to JKR, this story will become AU, 5th year.  Why?  Because she killed off one of the characters central to the plot line.  Hope it's okay that I am basically disregarding her work again.

Oh well, the Wizarding World is not mine to begin with.  That's your disclaimer.  Be happy with it, please.


	9. Into The Serpent's Coils

_If you need a disclaimer, you're horribly missing the point._

Chapter 8: Into the Serpent's Lair

_"These eyes have seen no conviction, just lies and more contradiction_

_So tell me what would you say?  I'd say it's time too late...._

_So am I still waiting, for this world to stop hating?  _

_Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in…"_

                        -- "Still Waiting" by Sum 41

            Sirius Black knocked on the front door of a house at about 8 at night, standing in the pouring rain.  The porch light came on and the door opened to reveal James Potter, carrying his young son Harry.

            "Padfoot, what are you doing here?" James asked, looking at his drenched friend.  "You're absolutely soaked.  Come inside."

            "Hey.  Just putting Harry to bed?" he said weakly, dodging the question by reaching out for his godson.

            "Yeah.  He had a nice long nap earlier and almost didn't want to go to bed now anyways.  I could get Lily to put him to bed…" James replied.

            Sirius cast a drying charm on his clothes and took the child from his father.  "I'll take him for a bit, Jamie."

            "Sirius, what are you doing here?  Did you Apparate from London right now?  What's wrong?  Is it Rigel?  Peter?  Remus?" James asked, trying not to raise his voice as panic set in.

            Sirius flinched at the last name.  "He's gone."

            "Who?  Remus?" James asked, paling as Sirius sat down, wrapping a now drowsy Harry in a blanket as he rocked him.

            Sirius didn't look up, but brushed the fringe from Harry's face.  "Yeah."

            "Lils, come into the drawing room for a moment," James said.

            The redhead walked into the room.  "Siri, so that was you at the door.  How are you?"  
            "I'm fine.  I went to go talk to Remmy tonight.  I figured he was still pissed at me for telling the both of you that he was going to be out a job, seeing as how Jamie came to the store on his lunch break to lecture Remus about trusting his friends or something."

            James flushed.  "He… told you did he?"

            "Sent a Howler, Jamie."

            Lily sat down next to her husband and elbowed him in the ribs.  "Real smooth, Romeo.  What happened next, Sirius?"

            "Well, tonight's our Pub Night, you know?  The two of us go out to that little place on Knockturn Alley, you know, near Borgin and Burkes, and get absolutely pissed so that we barely remember the previous night come morning.  So anyways, I walked up to his flat, knocked on the door, and there's this strange person I've never seen before in my entire bloody life.  Seems he was the new boarder, the shop's closed and Remus didn't even leave a forwarding address.  The bloody bastard's skipped town!" he hissed, nearly forgetting that Harry was still in his arms.  

            "What?" James said, back going straight with shock.  "I told him to Floo us before he left."

            "So you just told him?" Sirius asked, cynically.

            "Of course.  It always worked before…"

            The Slytherin sighed.  "You poor naïve Jamie.  You didn't make him promise… or swear, did you?"

            "What are you talking about?" Lily asked.

            "Gods.  Remus is a man of his word.  The only way to guarantee that he will do as you think is to make him say 'I promise' or swear.  As it stands, he made no such deal.  You'll notice that anytime I made him do anything, he swore it."  Sirius got up and paced the floor, looking down at the bundle in his arms.  

            "I… I didn't think he'd actually leave without saying goodbye."

            Lily placed her hand on her husband's arm, which he covered with his own.  "What should we do?  It's not safe for him out there alone."

            They both looked at Sirius, who sighed.  "To tell you the truth, I honestly don't know.  Something's wrong with him.  I mean, he's been a fighter ever since I met him.  I think the first two times I ever saw him, he had a black eye.  Then you remember what he said to Malfoy the first morning at breakfast.  But lately… it's like he's run out of reasons… he's changed, and not for the better.  I mean, he wouldn't have given a shit what the Ministry thought about spending time with Harry.  After they pointed out that damn law to him with the appointment of that damned Department head, he just stopped coming over."

            James shot up.  "What?!?  That's why he wouldn't come over?"

            Sirius looked at James carefully.  "Damn, he's been hiding a lot of things.  Yeah.  According to regulations, a werewolf is not allowed to be in the presence of a child under the age of 10 without Ministry supervision."

            Lily stood up and looked at Sirius' rapidly darkening mood.  She walked over to a fuming James and whispered in his ear.  "I'll put Harry to bed.  You two go out to a Pub.  Merlin knows Siri needs it and you look like you could blow off a bit of steam.  And do try not to hex the first Ministry worker you see?  I'd hate for you to have an inquiry at work."

            James smiled sadly.  "I have the most understanding wife in the world."

            She nodded as the two dark haired men conferred, before taking her son and watching the two leave.

            Remus sighed and tightened the strap on his bag to hold it closer to his body.  It seemed to get heavier each day it rained, as he walked from dawn till dusk.  He needed to change his socks again, he mused, but the question is, would they be dry when he went to put them on.  The sun was blanketed by clouds, and he knew that he'd need to find someplace dry for the night, but given the fact that he didn't even have a rough estimate of what town he was in, he was screwed.

            Quietly, he ducked into an alley and discretely pulled out a map.  He tried to approximate his position, based on the last town he had been in and how long he had walked.  But his sense of direction was good… not flawless, and there were several towns in the same radius.  He supposed it would be better to ask.

            Mustering his courage, he walked back out onto the street and stopped a passerby in a dark cloak.  "Oi, sir.  I was wondering.  What's the name of the town we're in?  I may be a bit lost," he admitted, sheepishly.

            The man he stopped smiled and lowered his cowl.  "It's Malfoy Park, Remus," he replied, placing a hand on Remus' shoulder.  "Good gods, it's been years."  Silently, he surveyed the shorter man's attire.

            Remus wore a dark brown leather coat and hiking boots, as well as a silver and green scarf, and a black jumper underneath.  He carried a leather rucksack and held a folded map in his half-finger gloved hands.  He wore a genuine smile for the first time in days.  "So it has, Lucius.  I didn't know you lived around here."

            The taller Slytherin arched a blonde eyebrow.  "Who else would you expect to live in _Malfoy Park?  Potter?"_

            "No, I would guess not."

            The taller man smirked, but it was not condescending.  Instead, it was rather friendly for someone the Gryffindors had once called an ice-king.  "So what brings you my way?  Last I heard from Avery, you were still in London.  You ran that little specialized bookstore on Knockturn, didn't you?"

            Remus smiled.  "Gods, does everyone keep in touch but me?  I… I did work there, and 'specialized' is one way to put it.  Everyone knew the type of books we sold there.  But Old Lady Dillard decided to sell the store and move to the country to be with her grandchildren, so I decided to go on a bit of a holiday."

            Lucius nodded.  "Avery told me that too.  He was concerned for your safety, what with all of the disappearances and deaths that have been cropping up lately.  You're the only one I haven't heard from that I actually considered worth keeping an eye on."

            Remus rolled his eyes and drew his coat closed.  "Avery, Dumbledore, Sirius, James, and now you?  When are you all going to realize that I am capable of taking care of myself?  I've lasted this long, haven't I?"

            Lucius sighed.  "It's the sign of people who care about you.  I understand if they seem somewhat unconvinced, but I'll take your word for it.  If you should ever need anything… anything, Remus, you shouldn't hesitate to ask."

            "And be indebted to a Malfoy?" he said jokingly.  "I hear that's a dangerous proposition."

            Lucius narrowed his eyes, returning the jest.  "As it stands, you are already in my debt.  You were lost, and I gave you help.  Therefore, I think you must return my kindness with some of your own… I want you to have dinner with us at the manor."

            Remus sighed.  "Damn, you're a tough negotiator.  But who am I to turn down the hospitality of a friend?" he asked, wiping the rain from his forehead as his ginger brown locks plastered to his skin.  "It sounds brilliant."

            Lucius smiled and draped his arm across the younger boy's shoulder.  "That's right.  You haven't met my family.  I married Narcissa a year or two after we left Hogwarts."

            Remus smiled.  "That's great.  You two were meant for each other."  He paused, frowning briefly.  "Any children?"

            "A son," Lucius confirmed.  "We named him Draco.  I'm told he looks like me.  Why?  You're alright with children, aren't you?"

            Remus rolled his eyes.  "I lived in an orphanage, Lucius, and were that not enough, I watched James' little tyke a time or two.  It's just… habit, I guess.  I'm not that big on families, you know?"  He thought briefly of his own parents and the knot in his stomach that had started when Lucius had mentioned his son grew with the feelings of abandonment and loss that had plagued his childhood.

            Lucius saw this emotion swirling in his hazel eyes and grew concerned.  "Remus, are you okay?"

            Remus swallowed and forced a smile, returning to the present.  "Yeah.  Fine."

            "So what's your friend Black doing these days?"

            Remus smiled at the memory of his best friend.  "He… he's got a job in the Ministry.  Misuse of Muggle Artifacts, I think.  All because he wanted to see if a Muggle motorcycle could fly, and that's the best way to learn about the enchantments.  Bit of a nutter if you ask me, but he is my friend."

            Lucius laughed.  "And an absolute terror on broomstick if memory serves.  He didn't want to come with you?"

            "If I told him, he probably would have," Remus muttered darkly.

            "You didn't tell Black?"

            "No.  I didn't.  Next time I see him, I'm probably going to have to talk my way out of getting my arse kicked.  Not that he'd succeed anyway."  He looked at the ground.  "I really do feel a bit guilty about it though, but truth be told, they're all really starting to bug me.  I mean, they have such perfect lives, and they take it all for granted."

            Lucius sighed as they reached the gates of Malfoy Manor.  The wrought-iron doors swung open on their hinges and Remus gazed appreciatively at the estate.  

            "Nice place you've got here, Lucius.  Or should I say, Lord Malfoy."

            Lucius rolled his eyes.  "Come, Remus, friends should not stand on ceremony, and at any rate, the Wizarding World supposedly ignores such titles.  Something about the brotherhood of wizards…"

            "The Devlin Accords of 1739, if memory serves."

            Lucius let out a hearty laugh.  "I believe you were the only person to pay attention in Binns' class.  At any rate, you have nothing to feel guilty about.  So you decided to go on holiday.  So what?  It's your choice whether you go alone or not.  True friends would understand that, and not impose," he said, opening the front door and gesturing him in.

            Remus smiled at the warmly lit interior, pulling off his gloves and placing them in his pockets.  "You're right, I suppose."

            "Of course I am," he said.  "Don't be foolish enough to suggest otherwise."  He removed his cloak and hung it on a clothes rack near the door.  He then took Remus' coat and bag, before ushering him further into the house.  "You are drenched."

            "Dada!" a small boy called from one of the rooms near the door."

            "Lucius, you're home," Narcissa said from the grand staircase.  "I wasn't expecting you for another hour or two."  Her blonde hair fell in golden ringlets down her back, and she wore a dress of deep blue, which oddly enough, looked better on her than the green she had worn to a ball her Seventh Year.  

            Remus felt horribly underdressed.  

            Lucius merely walked to the first room and lifted his son off the floor.  "I ran into an old friend, Cissa.  You do remember Remus Lupin, don't you?"

            Narcissa finished descending the steps and crossed to Remus, searching his face.  "My dear Remus!  How on earth could I not recognize you?  What brings you from London, dear heart?" she asked, embracing him gently as Lucius held Draco.  

            "I got bored.  The same job day after day for two and a half years.  I thought I was going to go mad."

            Lucius turned to his wife and said, "I invited Remus for dinner, but it seems to be getting dark.  Do you think you could impose on Dobby to set up a room for our guest?"

            Narcissa nodded.

            Remus merely sighed.  "Lucius…"

            "I insist," Narcissa countered firmly.  "The rain in these parts only gets heavier after sunset, and there may be thunder by the time we finish with dinner."

            Remus gave a half-grin.  "There's no way I'm walking out that door before sunrise, is there, Lucius?"

            The elder Malfoy set his son on his hip.  "I don't believe so.  Narcissa is quite adamant about taking care of guests.  So my answer is, no."

            "In that case," Remus replied with a practiced Slytherin smirk.  "I don't mind staying the night."

--00--

Well, I hope that I can get this uploaded someday.  Apparently my connection to ffn.net is sketchy at present.

Sux, don't it?

So anyways, I'm headed home today, to spend time with my mum and dad… might not be dad, as he has an oil well to go look at in South Texas… or was it three at a time?  I don't know.

I'll be nice to go home… as one of my roommates miraculously showed up yesterday.

My feelings on that are well stated and often lamented facts of penal lore… oh wait, that's from Con Air, never mind.

But seriously folks, I got a job, and work 20 hours a week now.  At minimum wage.

I don't know whether to be happy or very sad.

One last thing.  When I was in Germany a few years ago, my uncle's wife's sister's husband told me that in Germany there was a difference between a flat and an apartment.

Now, the apartment that I rent takes up only one level of the building… so is that a flat?  Cause my friend has a two story-studio with a friend of hers.  

Just curious.  Help me out if you know.

And thanks to reviewers since the last chapter was posted!!!

Ginevra - I understand, but they did say that there wasn't a wizard who went bad who wasn't in Slytherin… Gryffindor dogma if you ask me.  Although, I am a Gryffindor most of the time, except when my dark side rears its head… then I am a Slyth all the way.  And this story allows me to be him… wear clothes a bit too big, and rebel, and yell at people who are being insensitive pricks.  So yeah, I like BadArse!Remus too.  And as for the book, me too.

MoonyIsTheBest - So anyways, I hope you haven't died for lack of updates yet. *smirks*  Me too, I can't see how many parents would willingly take on a juvenile werewolf, although I have seen some fics where he has kind and loving parents… but I needed him like this for the plot.

Griffin - *Strikes a pensive pose*  You feel like you have been with Remus longer than Harry how?  Longer in their lifetime, or yours?  Here's more, hope you like it.

Nooka - Well, I got it in the "sometime this month category."  Thanks for your enthusiasm

Piri Lupin-Snape - *blinks and wipes a tear*  I do?  Geez… the pure number of stories that you have inspires me.  And you haven't emailed me in forever… not accusing or anything…  And finish A New Decade… for me?

This is going to sound weird, but *glomps all five of her reviewers, then stands back smugly*.  There.  Done.  Been wanting to do that for months… since I learned what a glomp was.  Just never been in the mood to do so.

Well, I'm off to go home… have a good day!


	10. Never Our Choice

            "Why do things that matter the most

            Never end up being our choice

            Now that I find no way so bad

            I don't think I knew what I had…"

                        -"The Hell Song" by Sum 41

Chapter 9: Never Our Choice

            The bedroom was huge, Remus thought as he padded from the bathroom that he had been given, his toiletries bag in one hand.  His bare feet were nearly dancing as they reached the plush green carpet surrounding the bed.  And after a week of sleeping on the ground, sleeping on the bed had been heaven.

            A familiar knock came at the door.  "Come in," he said, placing the rucksack on his bed and replacing the smaller bag inside.  

            Lucius walked in, already dressed in stylish black robes, and took a dignified seat on the bed.  "Leaving so soon, Remus?"

            The werewolf smiled, exchanging the shirt he had slept in for another, with longer sleeves.  "You know me, Lucius.  I hate to impose on anyone, even as gracious a host as you.  You act like I'm going to my execution.  Honestly, it's not like we won't see each other again," Remus replied, folding the rumpled shirt neatly, smoothing out wrinkles.

            Lucius Malfoy, member of the Inner Circle of the Eaters of Death, inwardly winced.  Outwardly, he presented the younger Slytherin with a smile.  "Remus, I've known you since you were 11.  I worry about you."

            "Luc, please.  I've got half the bloody cosmos concerned with what happens to me… and I don't understand why."  He straightened up and sighed.  "I'm fine just continuing the way that I have been living my life.  It is my life after all, and it's all I have."

            Lucius stood and grasped the shorter Slytherin's arm warmly.  "That's why we're concerned.  Remus, you know as well as I do what's been happening between the Ministry and certain… other factions…"

            Remus smiled.  "Just say the name, Lucius.  Voldemort and his Death Eaters.  I know.  I did work on Knockturn Alley after all."  He sat down and pulled on a pair of warm wool socks.

            "Very well.  You know as well as anyone that things between the two sides are going to come to a head.  And you can either ally yourself one way or the other.  Or you're going to get caught in the middle, and you run the risk of getting steamrolled by either side," Lucius explained.  "It was the first thing you did at Hogwarts.  You made yourself someone to follow.  You can't do that here; you're too small a fish in too big a pond."

            "Lucius, I've got friends on both sides.  James Potter is an Auror, and Merlin knows what some of my Slytherin classmates are up to," Remus explained, giving his head a quick jerk to rid his eyes of the hair that had fallen in it as he reached for a boot.  "I don't want to be responsible for killing any one of them.  Besides, I can't imagine that either side wants me for all that I am, only slices of me.  The Light wants my Slytherin mind, and I don't know what the Dark wants, but it doesn't want me."  He looked Lucius in the eyes seriously.  "I'm damaged goods, Lucius."

            The blonde stiffened, taking Remus' chin in his hands.  "You are most certainly not.  You're a Slytherin, Merlin's sakes.  You can have anything you want.  You can have anyone you want.  It doesn't matter.  What matters to me is that you seem content to eke out a meager living in a job that won't matter 10 years from now.  Hell, it hardly matters now.  You pal around with Black and those Gryffindors.  I don't care about that.  But I do want to see that you survive the coming conflict, and you can't do that if you are so worried about not hurting a few people that you don't look out for yourself.  I have never met a man as self-sacrificing as you."  He sighed again.  "It's annoying, to put it bluntly.  I mean, honestly, Remus.  You don't even seem to care if you live or die."

            Remus snorted.  "That's just it, Lucius.  At times, I don't."

            Remus waved at Lucius and Narcissa as he left Malfoy Manor later that evening.  "Until our next meeting, Lucius."

            The blonde smiled.  "Walk safely, Remus.  The next time you come back this way, come visit."

            Remus turned and pulled up his collar against the light rain, headed for the next town northwards.  Lucius had given him an acceptable route through the woods, a shortcut, given the other natural features of the area.  His boots squished against the wet forest floor, however, masking his footsteps.

            One benefit of being a werewolf, his sense of smell was far more sensitive than any normal humans.  Because of this, Remus could tell that he was being followed for about 5 minutes.  Quietly, he tried to Apparate, before finding that there was an anti-Apparition barrier around this forest.  It couldn't be natural, and there was every indication that it was recent.  This was definitely not good.

            He turned and sniffed the air, catching about 5 different scents, from different directions, not including ones that may have been masked by the wind.  His fingers dug in his pocket for a wand, closing around it securely, and he looked from side to side.  

            He quickened his pace slightly and reached a clearing in the woods up ahead.  He turned and drew his wand.  "You may as well just show your faces.  I know you're here," Remus snarled.

            He was absolutely right.  5 Death Eaters in black cloaks and masks appeared, seconds later.  Remus smiled darkly and cracked his knuckles.  "If you were looking for an easy kill, you best look elsewhere.  You picked the wrong damn wizard to play with, friends."

            One of the taller Death Eaters laughed.  "What makes you think that we want you dead?"

            Remus smile became a smirk, and he shifted his weight from foot to foot.  "Because it's the only way I'm not dangerous."

            "You are only in danger if you stand at odds with our goals," another said, as the circle of wizards closed in around him.  

            "And they include the destruction of the Ministry and the installation of a new world order by your _Lord_?" he spat.  "Nice goals."  His hazel eyes went amber as he surrendered to the wolf-mind.  "What if his world order is just as bad for me after it's come to fruition?"

            "You hate the Ministry as much as our Lord does," said a third.  "Merlin knows why."

            Remus rolled his eyes.  "Would you make a move already?  I was hoping to get to the next town by Tuesday."

            "You won't make it," said the first.  "All our Lord wants to do is talk to you.  All you have to do is come along quietly and you won't be harmed."

            Remus laughed, scaring the Death Eaters.  He wasn't reacting anywhere near what they expected.  They drew their wands.  Using his animal reflexes, he stunned two before they disarmed him.  He caught another in a right cross and then used him as a shield against the Stunning spell.  Silently he threw the man to the ground and threw a punch at another, leaving just one, which he grabbed and placed in a headlock after his wand had been knocked away.

            "Stupefy!" came a shout from behind him, and blessed darkness claimed the struggling werewolf as he collapsed to the ground.  

            "Merlin, Malfoy, you wanted him to strangle me?"

            Lucius smirked.  "I thought that five of you were capable of handling one isolated man.  I should have known that the whole lot of you was incompetent."  

            "He's a hell of a lot stronger than he looks, Lucius," replied one of the Death Eaters who got up, rubbing his jaw.

            "Don't worry, Lord Voldemort will hear of your incompetence.  Now pick him up and get moving."

            Remus lay limply on a cold stone floor.  No matter what he tried to do, he couldn't seem to move a single muscle that didn't involve his eyelids.  His body ached from the Stunning curse that had been thrown at him and he mentally cursed as he wasn't able to move his mouth.  He even invented what he thought was a new one, as he realized that he had allowed someone to sneak up on him while he was fighting.  

            He heard a lock slide open and a heavy door creaked on its iron hinges.  Footsteps came against the stone and shadows played against the wall that he could see.

            "Remus Janus Lupin.  Hogwarts, Class of 1978.  Slytherin House.  Beater.  Valedictorian, and highest marks every year of Hogwarts.  And yet, mysteriously, you were the first person in 74 years to have turned down the position of Head Boy your 7th year.  You gave no reason to any of your Housemates," said a drawling voice as the footsteps grew nearer and a cloaked figure appeared.  He reached down and placed his hands on either side of Remus' face as he knelt.  Blue eyes bored into hazel and Remus could nearly feel himself drowning as the man continued.

            "Do you have any idea that aside from one of Potter's other friends and your twin brother, not a single one of my Death Eaters even so much as suspects that you ware a lycanthrope?"  He paused, searching Remus' eyes even deeper.  "You did know that Romulus was one of my servants, did you not?"

            Remus' eyes smoldered.

            "I'll take that as a yes," Voldemort replied, chuckling.  "You see, Remus, I took great pains in selecting each and every one of my servants.  I weighed each one of them so that I knew that they were the strongest, the best, and the most resilient.  Your history makes you the strongest I have seen in years.  I grew up in an orphanage as well.  It taught me independence, self-reliance, and how to fight.  My father abandoned me and my mother died when I was but a child, so I know about neglect.  And worse, that muggle father of mine disowned me because I was a wizard, so I know about discrimination.  I know how much it hurt to be alone as a child, and how you would have given anything for a loving family."

            Remus' eyes went from being bright with fury and indignation to dark and empty.

            Voldemort wiped moist strands from Remus' face.  "That is your flaw.  You wish nothing more than to be surrounded by people that will not desert you because of your condition."

            Remus closed his eyes, unable to look away from the piercing sapphire gaze of the wizard known as Voldemort.

            "A rather effective curse, isn't it?  It's known affectionately as the ragdoll curse, in that it stops all motion in every muscle of your body, leaving you helpless.  More practical than a stupefying hex if you ask me," he continued, sitting on the floor.  "Open your eyes for me, Remus."

            Remus complied, strangely compelled by the man holding him there.

            "I have always admired your kind, Lupin.  Your strength, your brutality, your spirit and your control are admirable.  You cannot be employed by any reputable company in the Wizarding World.  Every month, you undergo an involuntary transformation to an animal form, and then return to human form only to suffer days of nausea, pain and other illness subsequently.  You see everyone around you living the lives you had always hoped for and yet you have always had enough pride to take the life given you and make it all that you could.  And in your nature is the kind of darkness that my Death Eaters have never known and will likely never know.  What greater strength have you shown than the ability to hold that in?"

            He pulled Remus gently off the floor and leaned him up against the wall in a sitting position.  He closed iron manacles and shackles around Remus' limp limbs, and added one around his throat.  He then paused, placing his hands under Remus' jaw again.

            "I can see it in your eyes," he hissed softly.  "Your thirst for a better life, your anger at the injustice of uncaring people in this life and the knowledge that you have what it takes to set things right.  They are set in your eyes like everlasting flames, beseeching to scorch your adversaries.  I can give you the means to avenge yourself on those who have wronged you, but only if you do me this one favor.  You must join my service," he said, wandlessly removing the restrictions on Remus' throat.

            "And what makes you think that the first person I kill won't be my dear twin?" Remus spat.  "Followed shortly by myself."

            Voldemort smiled.  "Think about my offer, Remus.  I have all the time in the world.  Do you?"

            Remus sat in shock as the Dark wizard walked to the door and it closed behind him.  The werewolf began losing the fight against hysterical nervous laughter.  "Oh gods," he managed between laughs.  "Am I fucked?"

--00-- 

So, is he fucked?  I don't know.  Review, and we'll see I guess.

Just kidding.  I know if he is or not.

And mucho gusto thanks to my reviewers!

Piri Lupin-Snape- Hope you aren't disappointed by the Nice!Lucius and Scary!Lucius in this chapter.  See you online!

Remus-Lupin- *salutes and then grabs the duct-tape in case you have more sugar issues*  Hope you like this chapter.

Yoake Kaiba- I understand, hope this is soon enough.

le'Ange de Mort-  That's okay.  *pats you on the head, gives you a cookie and then glomps you*  I love ya anyways.  Um… more Remus angst coming soon… and you'll like what I am going to do to him, I think.  By the way, next time you change your handle, at least email me with it.  You're confusing the shit out of me (figuratively, not literally).

Well, onward to the next chapter.

Be kind, review.

8-2-03

RHF


	11. Aftershocks

Chapter 10: Aftershocks

            _"There isn't much I haven't shared with you along the road,_

_            And through it all, there'd always be tomorrow's episode._

_            Suddenly that isn't true, there's another avenue…_

_            Beckoning, the great divide, ask no questions, take no side._

_            Who's to say who's right or wrong?  Whose course is braver run?_

_            All I know is all we are, is over, said and done._

_            Friends never say good bye…"_

                        -- Friends Never Say Goodbye, from the El Dorado Sountrack.

            Water dripped from the window as Remus lay huddled under the blanket that Voldemort had brought to him after the last transformation.  He shivered, barely hearing the clinking of the pewter chains as his fevered face pressed against the damp cold stone.  The full moon had come painfully the last month and as both the moon's pull and the cruelty of his captors were unabated, the Death Eaters' abuse was worse than ever.

            He couldn't give in.  He had promised himself that he would never betray the man who had meant so much to him, who had given him a chance at a normal life.  And though the rest of his surrogate father's friends would never accept his help in the fight against Voldemort if they knew his secrets, he wouldn't betray the confidences of the only people in this world who did trust him.

            In a slight daze from the illness that had begun to creep into his lungs, Remus didn't hear the footsteps beyond the door or the door itself as it opened.  

            Footsteps sounded and Remus cringed, anticipating another beating as he couldn't make out their voices.

            "Holy shit, Denise, we've got a live one here," someone muttered as Remus' back went flush against the wall that he was chained against.

            Remus summoned up all his residual courage and glared at the fuzzy shapes in his delirium.  "No, as a matter of fact, I happen to be dead.  It was peaceful, except for the torture; now use your brain for a moment.  Would I have moved if I wasn't alive?" he spat.

            Denise's male companion walked closer and kneeled next to him.  "Who are you?"

            "Wait a second.  You're Longbottom.  Frank or something," Remus murmured.

            Frank Longbottom's jaw dropped.  "Your name.  What is it?" he demanded.

            "R-Remus.  Lupin."

            Frank's face darkened.  "What the hell are you doing in these dungeons, Slytherin?"

            "Evidently not much," Remus retorted as the woman lifted his sleeve to check his arm.

            "He's unmarked, Frank."

            With this, Remus laughed.  "Of course I'm bloody well unmarked.  I said no," he said, before coughing.

            "What?"

            "N. O. as in the negative.  I told him to shove it, and he wasn't too happy about that.  You mind taking these chains off?  I haven't seen my wand since I got captured… I can't do these on my own," he managed.

            In shock, Denise opened the manacles and shackles that had bound him, and he smiled in relief.  She saw the redness, but chalked it up to the normal chafing that occurred in people in long-term confinement.

            "Thank you," he breathed. 

            "Lupin, are there anymore people in here?"

            Remus lifted an eyebrow and looked around the cell.  "Not in this one."

            "In the dungeons, Slytherin!" Frank demanded, getting a bit annoyed.

            "I don't fucking know!  I'm telling you the honest truth.  Voldemort had me captured and somewhere in the interrogation I was brought to this cell, and I haven't left because he only offered to let me go if I joined him.  My immediate response was to tell him that I'd rather go kill myself first," he spat.  "Needless to say, conditions did not improve.  Now why don't you tell me why the fuck you two don't believe me?"

            "When were you brought here?" Denise asked, sidestepping the question.

            "I don't know.  Sometime in August."  A twinge of defeat crept into his voice.  "It's been over two months, I know that much."

            "Lupin, who was the last person to see you?"

            He frowned in thought, trying to remember the last person he had spoken to before his capture.  "Lucius.  Lucius Malfoy.  I stayed at his estate briefly because I was passing by and he and his wife insisted that I not sleep in the rain."  He paused, descending into coughs.  "Good gods, Jamie and Siri are going to kill me.  And if Lily finds out I'm sick, I'll never hear the end of it.  I can just hear her now.  'I thought that James told you, Remus Lupin, that walking holiday was a terrible idea, and a completely irresponsible act, and…" He coughed again.  "'It seems to me that you deserve to be sick after what you put the three of us through.'  Lils is like that, you know?"

            Unaware of the look on the Auror's faces, he continued.

            "Wait, if you're here, that means that Voldemort's dead.  Are Lily and James alright?  I heard they were one of the targets…"

            Frank's face darkened.  "Then you don't know?"

            "Know what?"

            "Frank, I hardly think now is the time…" Denise began

            "Sirius Black has been taken to Azkaban for the murder of 13 people, including the wizard Peter Pettigrew, violating the sanctity of a Fidelius charm, belonging to James and Lily Potter, accessory to the murder of James and Lily Potter, and high treason in association with all of Voldemort's Death Eaters," he intoned solemnly.

            A practiced mask replaced Remus' wistful expression.  He swallowed and mumbled two words before a silent prayer spilled over his lips in a Celtic tongue they didn't recognize.

            "What?"

            "I was asking the gods and goddesses of Avalon to care for their souls in the new life.  Is Harry gone then, too?" he asked, hoping to not have to offer prayers for a fourth.

            "No.  He's alive.  Saved us all.  Dumbledore's got him and gave him to a family to raise."  Denise placed a hand on his thin and shaking shoulder.  "I've got a Portkey.  We'll take you to the Ministry offices, and you'll be formally processed there.  It should only take a few hours."

            Remus backed away from their hands with a speed he didn't know he possessed, and from the looks of it, neither did they.

            "Lupin.  It's alright."

            "No, it's not fucking alright.  I'm not fucking going.  Just let me out of here, you can get your damn testimony from someone else, or I'll get you a pensieve," he said, moving desperately to the corner.  

            "What's wrong?" Denise asked.

            "I'm not going anywhere near any Dementors.  I told you the truth, now let me go."

            "Lupin, we need Veritaserum to verify what you are saying," Frank said.  "It has to be administered by a licensed Potions Master and we'll need a witness."

            "You'll be dragging me there.  Take me to Hogwarts if you have to.  I have to talk to Dumbledore now."

            "Frank.  Denise.  How may I help you today?" Dumbledore asked congenially, inwardly fearing for his castle's residents in the wake of Voldemort's downfall.  He stood on the steps of the castle protectively.

            "Professor Dumbledore, do you have any Veritaserum in your Potions' stores?" Frank asked.

            "Merlin, Longbottom, even I would have said hello first, and I'm the most disrespectful son of a bitch you've ever met," Remus muttered.  "Even Dumbledore knows that."

            "I… believe we do.  Remus?" he asked in disbelief.

            "Hello, Headmaster," Remus said, having been handcuffed with both arms behind his back.  "I'd shake your hand, but I believe that mine are otherwise engaged."  He was dressed again in his brown leather coat, and his pale countenance did nothing to allay Dumbledore's fears.

            "Remus," Dumbledore breathed as he pulled the young man into a warm embrace.  "Where in God's name have you been?"

            "We removed him from Voldemort's dungeons," Frank said.  "He claims to have been there for 2 months."

            Dumbledore pushed Remus away.  "If you will check the Ministry records, he has been listed as missing for nearly a month and a half.  He had owled me once a week prior to his disappearance.  James and Sirius were most displeased with you for leaving without telling them.  And I must confess that the fact that you lied so easily and told them that I encouraged this course of action was quite distressing," he admitted, looking Remus from head to toe and then in his hazel eyes.

            "Headmaster, I needed space," Remus declared.  "They were bloody suffocating me."

            Dumbledore sighed, waving them indoors.  "Please come in, although I must insist that you release Remus."

            "Albus, his innocence has not been established.  We're going to get ripped for not bringing him back to headquarters immediately," Frank said.

            "Remus, do you give me your solemn word that you will not try to evade the Aurors should your innocence be in question?"

            Remus bristled.  "Why would I run when I know I never broke any laws, except if it has become a crime for me to draw breath!"

            "Remus." Dumbledore admonished.

            "Yes, I give my word.  You know that."

            "You should know that Remus' word is more binding than any written document I have ever seen."

            Denise sighed and unbound Remus' hands.  
            Remus shot them both a glare and rubbed his sore wrists.

            "Our Potions Master would know.  He has no classes, as this is a Sunday, and perhaps he would be able to assist you," Dumbledore said, leading the way through the dungeons.

            "Please sit, Remus," Dumbledore said, gesturing to a chair in the front of the Potions classroom.  He went into the office looking for the Potions professor as the Aurors took up flanking positions.

            He complied, looking greatly like the rebellious teen he had been in his earlier years as the slightly older Aurors glared at him.  As the wait stretched on, Remus placed his left thumb in his mouth and bit the nail, as his hair fell into his face.  He only looked up as the door opened again.  "Oh, for fuck's sake…"

            "Good to see you again as well, Lupin," Snape said, as he exited the office and walked in front of him.

            "One of the Slytherins who truly hates me and two Gryffindors who would be happy to join you in throwing me off a cliff.  Damn, it's nice to be bloody well loved," he spat.

            "Remus…"

            "No, it's fine.  Just like the old days, Albus.  I have made no bones about the fact that I despise him," Snape said.

            "What do you say you just give me the Veritaserum and we can get this show on the road so that I can go skipping on my merry way?"

            "This is class C Veritaserum, Longbottom," Snape intoned.  "Just so you can put it in your report."  He placed five drops on Remus' tongue.

            "Wait, shouldn't the dose be three?"

            "It would be, had Lupin and I not developed a tolerance for all three classes of veritaserum as a bit of fun our last couple of years at Hogwarts."

            "The two of you could make that in 6th year?"

            Remus smiled.  "Third year, actually."

            "Is it working?" Frank asked Snape.

            "It is quite potent, I assure you.  However, you may want to direct the questions to your friend Lupin there.  He is under the serum, not me," Snape jabbed sarcastically.

            "State your legal name for the record."

            Remus blinked, his head swimming.  "My name at present is Remus Janus Lupin."

            "Have you ever used an alternate name?" Frank asked as Denise copied it all down.

            "Remus Janus Allenson was the name I bore from birth until my abandonment and subsequent adoption."

            Frank's eyes widened.  There had been another Allenson in his class that he had remembered.  Aside from their hair, dress and mannerisms, they were quite similar.  "Age?"

            "20 years, 2 months and 15 days."

            "Current occupation?"

            "I am unemployed," Remus said, wiping a few beads of sweat from his forehead.  

            "Current residence?"

            "I don't have one."

            "Place of last residence?" Frank asked, exasperated.

            "15 Knockturn Alley, Flat #2, First Floor."

            "Who was the last person to see you before your disappearance?"

            "Lucius Malfoy."  Malfoy… Malfoy who had begged him to choose a side, and then delivered him to Voldemort to make him choose.  Lucius who had Remus' best interests at heart.

            "Are you now or have you ever been a Death Eater?"

            "No."

            "Did Voldemort ever ask you to become a Death Eater?"

            Snape's eyebrow raised as the question was asked.

            "Yes."

            "You refused?"  
            "Yes."  
            "Why?"

            "Because although I harbor a great resentment for the Ministry due to my upbringing, I have no reason to join a group clamoring for its destruction.  I prefer peaceful means of social change to violent and bloody revolution."

            "What do you mean, your upbringing?" Denise asked, as Remus' eyes locked on Snape's.

            Dumbledore put his hand over Remus' mouth.  "Under the Privacy Act of 1975, he does not have to answer that question."

            "Headmaster, I think…"

            "Remus was abandoned in 1966, and was raised in a Ministry orphanage near Knockturn Alley," Dumbledore explained.  "His experience in growing up on those streets did not demonstrate the best side of the Ministry's concern."

            "Fine," Frank said, unwilling to argue with the Headmaster.  "Did you have any ideas that the Potters were targeted?"

            "Yes."

            "Who told you?"

            "Voldemort."

            There was a collective indrawn breath at that statement.

            "What did he tell you?"

            "He told me the day of Samhain that the Potter's Secret Keeper was one of his Death Eaters and that that night was the night he would kill them.  Once their destruction was assured, little would stand in opposition to him."  Remus marveled at his flat monotone.  He really hated veritaserum.  At least it didn't hurt.

            "Why?"

            "Because James Potter was the Heir of Gryffindor, as he was the Heir of Slytherin."

            A hush came over the room.  No one dared speak until Frank recovered his voice.  "And then what did he tell you?"

            "He told me once more to give up…"

            "How many times did he ask you?"

            "Every day.  For 67 days."  His voice wavered, but didn't break.

            Dumbledore seemed to wince.

            "Continue."

            "He told me to give up and join the winning side, that nothing could be gained from further resistance and delaying my allegiance to him any longer.  He… told me that he would return after the job was finished, and ask for my oath once again."

            "He never came back?"

            "No.  Nor did any of the other Death Eaters.  You were the first humans I had seen in 7 days," he said, slight desperation tingeing in his voice.

            "Any further questions for Remus, Frank?"

            "No, Albus.  That's all.  We'll file a report and you'll hear from us if we need you further.  Don't leave the country, Lupin."

            Remus merely sat on the hard wooden chair and then slammed his head against the desk as the Aurors left.  Snape set a vial of chalky white potion on the desk in front of him.

            "So Voldemort called you to his service after all," Snape commented as the lycanthrope downed the potion.  

            Remus fixed Snape with a poisonous glare.  "You really don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Snape?"

            "Unlike you, I seem to.  I mentioned nothing of your… condition.  But you?  Five drops and you spilled everything," he said, crossing his arms smugly.

            "Sod off.  I'm out of practice.  You know as well as I do that Veritaserum is bloody expensive to make and absolutely illegal to buy over the counter."

            Albus returned.  "Thank your for your cooperation, Remus."

            "You're welcome.  I… should get going," he mumbled, standing up.  "I just wish I knew where my stuff was."

            "Remus…"

            "No, Albus, I don't want to hear it.  None of the whole, 'you've lost someone important to you' bullshit.  I want to leave.  Now."

            Dumbledore moved closer to him.  "I know you're in pain, Remus, but you have to let it out or it will consume you."

            Remus glared, and turned back towards the two wizards with a feral glint in his now amber eyes.  "What's the point?  Something has always consumed me, remember?  What's a little more fuel to the fire?" he spat.

            "Remus, please calm down," Dumbledore requested.

            "And if I can't?" he asked, pulling his coat tighter against him.  "Let's recap the past 2 months.  I was fine until I got attacked by Death Eaters, stunned, imprisoned, tortured, brainwashed, then starved, manhandled, interrogated again, and now I find that four of the people I trusted most in life are either dead or traitors!"

            Dumbledore flinched, and Snape gazed with sympathy.  He hadn't known where Remus was.

            Remus turned away from them, wishing with all of his heart to merely sink into the floor and die.  He wrapped his arms around himself and felt hot tears collect in his eyes.  His hands shook and his head pounded unmercifully.  "I'm such a fool."

            "You can't mean that, Remus."

            He ran his fingers through his mussed hair and laughed bitterly.  "I can and I do.  Tell me, you who have always been my advisor…my mentor, what is the point of letting anyone in when all you get is betrayal and more pain?  And I'm surprised you aren't crowing about how right you were and how mistaken I was, Snape!"

            Snape crossed his arms and spoke softly, without reproof or recrimination.  "I see no need to point out a fact that you already aware of.  I told you time and time again that Black was no good for you, and you trusted someone who had already betrayed you once."

            Dumbledore interceded.  "Remus, I want Poppy to have a look at you.  You seem on the verge of complete collapse and I am unwilling to let you leave until I am certain that you are healthy."

            Remus shook his head.  "It doesn't matter.  I mean, what is life, but being born, suffering and dying?"  Frowning and pressing a hand to his temple, he walked to Severus' office, stalking past a stunned Snape as he walked to the cabinets.  

            "What are you looking for?"

            Remus proceeded to ignore him.  "Gods, is this in any sort of order?"

            "Lupin!"

            "I have a fever and a headache.  I've probably got the flu.  Point me in the right direction and I'll be out of this school before you can say Fizzing Whizzbees."  It was true, his headache was growing harder and harder to ignore.  Perhaps it was the fact that the adrenaline he had been running on was ebbing, or that he hadn't eaten in days.  Or maybe it was the fact that he was mildly allergic to veritaserum.  It didn't really matter any more, did it?

            "Remus," Snape said, taking him by the arms.  "Where would you go?"

            Remus pushed him away.  "Like it matters."

            "It matters to Albus, obviously, and you're being quite disrespectful to him."

            "I'm going to go say goodbye to my friends, Snape.  I'll quite likely never see them again.  Is that acceptable to you?" he snapped, reaching for a flu relieving potion.

            "That has aconite in it.  Are you mad?" Snape asked darkly.  "Take this one instead."  He substituted a violet potion for the green one.

            Remus drank it, before Snape realized that that particular potion had a known depressant in it.  'Oh damn.'  And no cheering potions or charms would help.  They would only add to the mess.  But it was too late, and Remus would just have to be watched.  And as Potions Master, it would fall to Snape to watch over him.

            The werewolf leaned back against a wall, sliding down it to put his head on his knees, which were drawn up to his chest.  "They're all dead, Severus… and I only wish I were with them… if only it would make the pain stop.  But it won't…  It really won't."

--00--

Man did I have an interesting 21st birthday.  Especially interesting was the fact that even though I got a bit more than tipsy with alcohol Saturday night, it was my mom who threw up Sunday, with food poisoning I think.  But I have a new desk chair, a new mouse and keyboard, and I am rife with plot bunnies for my stories.

Life is good…

Except for that whole 'vomiting' thing. (Which was on sportscenter by the way… wait, that's the replacements.)

Thanks to my few, but ultimately faithful reviewers of this story.

Artemis MoonClaw - Here's more, hope you like it.

le'Ange de Mort - Remind me never to send you anything sugary, Lexi.  You're just a bit off-kilter when on a sugar high, aren't you?  And no PP/LV… sorry.  And I think he sort of knows now that Lucius is a Death Eater, as it was he who suggested the forest path, wasn't it?

Ginevra - As for his last name, I made it so that he had been a respectable pureblood until he was bitten… when they abandoned him, (and subsequently disowned him), he was still listed as Allenson in the Ministry archives.  I made Remus change his last name mentally first, because he didn't want anything to do with he people who deserted him.  It was rather a logical choice, giving him the epithet Remus the Wolf.  It was made official when he came to Hogwarts, as it hid the fact that someone who was a registered werewolf was attending school.  The last straw was when Dumbledore adopted Remus; that was the first time it showed on a legal document.  Sorry about the confusion.  And how he got out of this?  Deus ex machina is a great way to get your hero out of shit, aint it?  Of course, it wasn't totally deus ex machina.  It was also a little green-eyed munchkin.

Diva937 - I believe that a glomp is a type of hug done with reckless abandon… it's an anime term whatever it is.  I just learned it, but if I'm wrong, I apologize.  And I can leave it there… I'm the author. J

Thank you all!!!!

A/N:  The next chapter will be set in Harry's 5th year, AU to OoTP… that book screwed up so many of my plot points that it's not even remotely close to funny.  Well, time to post and go to work.

And question… has anyone seen Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life?  I could have sworn that Vernon Dursley was one of the guys on the plane… No, just me?  Okay.  I'm content enough with recognizing that one of the henchmen was in the Replacements as Jumbo, the Japanese Sumo wrestler turned Center.


End file.
